Life’s Like That

Reader's Digest (Canada) - - Contents - @LA­DY­HAWKINS @CAITHULS @THECHEISH @GUY_­MONT ROSE­MARY BAR­TON, jour­nal­ist @FER­AL­CRONE HE­LEN ROS­NER, food writer Send us your funny sto­ries! They could be worth $50. See page 8 or visit rd.ca/joke for more de­tails.

PASTA TRAGEDY

I just dropped a full jar of spaghetti sauce on the kitchen floor, and it shat­tered when it hit the tile. The mess was so big that, for a sec­ond, I con­sid­ered just...walk­ing away.

Away from my house, my fam­ily, my life. From the oregano-scented hor­ror I’d un­leashed. ME DO­ING BODY POS­I­TIV­ITY: I love my skin prison. MOTHER: Can you please fix my com­puter?

ME: [Leans back in chair] Well, well, well, if it isn’t Miss “Get Off That Com­puter” Years 1994 to 2006. IF ANY­ONE says they aren’t scared of rac­coons, they are ei­ther a liar or the bravest per­son on earth. MULTI-TASK­ING

I just saw a man brush­ing his teeth while driv­ing. What. Is. Hap­pen­ing. A NEW KIND OF MON­STER

A vam­pire doesn’t pro­duce a re­flec­tion in a mir­ror, and what­ever crea­ture I am doesn’t reg­is­ter with sen­sors on au­to­matic sinks and soap dis­pensers in pub­lic bath­rooms. IN DIS­GUISE

Fid­dle­heads are just dirty corkscrew as­para­gus.

@CBCA­dri­anH

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