As Kids See It
WHEN MY GRANDSON was four years old, he was a fussy eater. At a family dinner, his aunt asked him if he would like an olive and he declined. “Have you ever tasted an olive?” she asked. “No,” he replied. “I don’t try stuff I don’t like.” JOANNE JOHNSON, Nisku, Alta.
OUR SIX-YEAR-OLD does a lot of trash talking for someone who puts his shoes on the wrong feet 30 per cent of the time. @DAD_IN_BRIEF
SORRY WE’RE LATE. I let my kid tie his own shoes. @MOM_OVERBOARD
IF I, AS A MOM, don’t know where something is in this house, it means it’s gone forever. @MOMTRUTHS2BTOLD
I’M A PARENT. My hobbies include watching fresh produce rot in my fridge and telling my kids that they should have done what I asked the first time. @PETRICKSARA
FRIEND: What’s that thing where you’re always tired but can never get rest? ME: Parenthood. @MYMOMOLOGUE
WHEN MY DAUGHTER, Caitlin, was three, she would cuddle with me at night. One night I woke up with a sore calf and hopped around the room, trying to shake it off. When she asked me what was wrong, I told her I had a charley horse. The next night, I woke up to Caitlin jumping around and clutching her calf. “It’s okay, Mommy,” she said. “I just have a chatty horse.” LUCY PRIOR, Abbotsford, B.C.
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD: “Wow, this must be an antique! It’s from way back in the 1900s!” ME: “Okay, calm down. It’s from 1997.” @MAUGHAMMOM
MY FAVOURITE THING about buying food in bulk is when my kids immediately decide that they now hate that food. @BLUEBONETBABIES
EVERY NIGHT, my four-year-old son constantly insists that he doesn’t want to go to sleep because “sleep takes too long.” SHAIMA QURESHI, Barrie, Ont.
SHE POOPS TOO MUCH: my son’s review of his new baby sister. @UNFILTEREDMAMA
PREPARE YOUR SPOUSE for parenthood by waking them up at 3 a.m. to tell them it’s not raining and then demand some cheese. @MACGYVERINGM22
A FRIEND OF MINE asked my grandson, Tyler, how old he was. Tyler answered, “I am four years old.” My friend then asked, “When are you going to be five?” After a long pause, Tyler answered, “After four.” PAT MAYER, Sarnia, Ont.
REAL QUESTION MY kids got out of bed to ask me: “Mom, do you have any twigs I can use?” @ASHLEYAUSTREW
SIX-YEAR-OLD: *checks out another Star Wars book from the school library* ME: Why do you always get Star Wars books? SIX-YEAR-OLD: I only read the classics. @XPLODINGUNICORN
Are the children you know fluent in funny? Tell us about them! A story could earn you $50. For details on how to submit an anecdote, see page 9 or visit rd.ca/joke.
“I forgot my phone. Now how am I supposed to share this significant childhood moment with my network?”