All I Want for Christmas is ...

Dear Santa,

Despite what my wife and kids may have told you while they were snuggled up on your lap at the Cornwall Centre this weekend, I have been a relatively good boy — especially considering how the volatility in the stock market is affecting my hairline.

Before I get started on my list of demands, I would like to thank you for your generosity over the years. I will never forget Christmas morning in 1982 when I woke up to find the Millennium Falcon under our Christmas tree (the same Falcon that now costs $250, and that I almost bought for myself in a fit of 1982 nostalgia).

And how about 1989’s chromed-out BMX bike you left for me? What a ride! Finally, people were going to notice me around the neighbourhood. Too bad it got stolen before the last of the snow had melted and I was back on my banana-seat bike.

And no one could forget when we saw your faithful steeds carry you off the snow-capped Rogers Centre in Toronto in 2007 — a whole month early.

You are also bringing us the Grey Cup game again in 2013. Now all we need to do is make sure that mug doesn’t leave town.

Yes, you certainly have been generous. This year for Christmas, I would like world peace, goodwill to mankind, and a select piece or two to add to the Man Cave. (And do you think this year you could leave me just one cookie? Do you always have to eat the whole bag?!)

The mounted photograph of Muhammad Ali’s classic knockout of Sonny Liston (you know the one) keeps jumping off its nail on the wall. It seems to be telling us to replace it with an autographed pair of Ali’s trunks. Perfect for Boxing Day!

OK, OK ... I know it’s going to take a few strings to be pulled to make that happen, so how about that signed Wayne Gretzky Edmonton Oilers jersey that I keep asking for? I have been keeping that spot on the wall next to the fireplace open for Mr. Gretzky and I am sure that he would feel at home next to the other replica jerseys of Jerry Rice, Lawrence Taylor, Michael Jordan, Wendel Clark that dress the hallowed walls of the Man Cave — along with my jersey.

I know what you are thinking: I have not been nearly good enough to warrant either The Great One’s or the Greatest’s laundry, but the only other item that I would consider for induction into the Man Cave is a picture to commemorate the Riders winning the 2007 Grey Cup. I know I have got the one of me and the trophy shortly after the game, but there’s something about that picture of Gene Makowsky snatching the mug from commissioner Mark Cohon and hoisting it for the first time since 1989, or the one of Scott Schultz chewing on the fat end of the biggest stogie I have ever seen while sipping champagne out of the Cup that just says, “We did it!’’

But then again, it would just be weird if the Makowskys or Schultzes came over to my home and there were more pictures of them than of me on my walls. Perhaps I should just stick with a repeat of Christmas 1982’s Millennium Falcon and a Riders scarf and toque set.