Manning can be all things

When Peyton Manning runs for President of the United States as the junior senator from Tennessee, what will his campaign ads be like?

Will he talk football? Will he be in an autumnal backyard cradling a football and throw a pass to a child — his son? — and then look at the camera and say, “I know how to complete America’s drive.” Will he do a rap, as they probably say in the more Republican strongholds of the Volunteer State? Will he rhyme “immigration” and “Exceptional nation,” and bring in guest Justin Timberlake? Will he hold a Gatorade in every ad?

He will probably do all these things, because Peyton Manning can be all things to all people, more or less.

He can be funny and personable and also lead the NFL in completion percentage (73.3) and highest dropped-pass percentage (10.7) through the first three weeks of the season, which means a solid 10 per cent of his passes are not nearly good enough, mister. He is on pace for 6,096 passing yards and 64 touchdowns and no interceptions, which would probably be records.

Oh, and Manning had four neck surgeries since 2011 and is 37 years old, which means age-wise he is eligible to run for President. But there is work to do first.

He needs 11,209 yards, 89 touchdowns, and er, 128 interceptions to pass Brett Favre atop each of those lists for the most ever; That’s three elite seasons for the first two, and about 10 seasons for the last one, which will be tricky. He probably won’t get to Favre’s NFL record for genital-related text messages revealed to the public, either, but he can probably live with that.

And then there’s the playoff thing. Manning has lost in his team’s first post-season game eight times in his 12 appearances, and has won one Super Bowl in which the other team’s starting quarterback was Rex Grossman, so it only sort of counts.

In Chris Ballard’s Sports Illustrated profile of new Broncos receiver Wes Welker, it was revealed Manning posts lists in his receivers’ lockers of the leaders in dropped passes with their names highlighted, and the completion percentage leaders with his name highlighted. He is trying for perfection every day. He lives football, breathes it, sweats it out, though not so much that he doesn’t remain one of the greatest slightly potbellied athletes of all time.

And yet when the big moments come ... well. Last year, it wasn’t his fault. Denver had won 11 straight, and he put them up 35-28 until the Broncos secondary somehow let Baltimore’s Jacoby Jones get behind them for a 70-yard touchdown catch with 31 seconds left. Manning threw his second interception in OT, and never saw the ball again.

So this is another chance, with the clock ticking. We should cheer for him, maybe, because the last thing you want is a President with a secret, deep, lingering need to prove that he could TOO nuke North Korea, just to show you he really is better than Eli and his two Super Bowl rings.

As always, all lines could change.

THE PICKS

N. Y. Giants (+4.5) at Kansas City: Holy gracious were the Giants terrible last week. Their offensive line looked like a group of gentle overweight men that walked into a roomful of Mike Tyson’s tigers; Eli Manning kept making the Manning faces that his brother has no current use for. Poor Tom Coughlin probably spends half his time shopping for more comfortable shoes. Pick: Kansas City Cincinnati (-4) at Cleveland: Cleveland won last week! With Brian Hoyer at quarterback! After everyone said that by trading former first-rounder Trent Richardson, and reportedly shopping wide receivers Josh Gordon and Greg Little, they were tanking! Which really goes to prove that the Browns can fail at pretty much anything they put their minds to. Pick: Cincinnati Chicago (+3) at Detroit: Marc Trestman is 3-0 in the NFL, leading some people to wonder whether he’s a trailblazer for all the other CFL coaches who spent 20 years in the NFL as quarterback coaches or offensive co-ordinators for teams that had huge success from their quarterbacks. You know, all those guys. Guys? Pick: Detroit Washington (-3) at Oakland: Imagine if Dan Snyder holds onto the Team Whose Name Is Still Racist as long as Al Davis held onto the Raiders, getting progressively more of a lunatic driven by avarice and ego. Bunkered down, suing grandmothers, selling beer in the washrooms, selling expired airline peanuts, and — wait, he’s already done all that? Pick: Washington Philadelphia (+11) at Denver: Suddenly the Eagles are 1-2 and heading to face the Broncos, who you really don’t want to give a ton of possessions to. Also, did you know that Philadelphia could have traded a secondround pick for Colin Kaepernick last summer, but instead geared their draft around Russell Wilson, and didn’t get him? So anyway, good luck. Pick: Philadelphia Dallas (-1) at San Diego: QB rating through three weeks: P. Manning, 134.7; Philip Rivers, 116.2; Wilson, 109.6; Aaron Rodgers, 105.1; and in fifth place, ahead of Brady and Drew Brees and Matt Ryan and RGIII and Kaepernick and Matt Stafford and Andrew Luck and Joe Flacco and all else: Antonio Ramiro “Tony” Romo. Pick: San Diego

THE REST

Baltimore (-3) at Buffalo Pick: Baltimore Arizona (+2.5) at Tampa Pick: Arizona Pittsburgh (-3) at Minnesota (in London) Pick: Minnesota N.Y. Jets (+3.5) at Tenn Pick: Jets Indianapolis (-7.5) at Jacksonville Pick: Indianapolis Seattle (-2.5) at Houston Pick: Seattle New England (+2) at Atlanta Pick: New England Miami (+7) at N. Orleans Pick: Miami Byes: Green Bay, Carolina Last week: 6-9-1 Season: 17-29-2