Sharks had a close shave in NHL playoffs; Brady cooks up moneymaker
We begin today with a quiz. If someone says, “The fur is flying,” are they talking about: (a) A spirited game in the NHL playoffs; (b) Hirsute San Jose Sharks defenceman Brent Burns leading a rush; (c) Members of a defeated NHL team shaving off their playoffs beards; or, (d) Donald Trump campaigning on a windy day? ... The San Jose Sharks beat the Nashville Predators 5-0 on Thursday to win a Western Conference semifinal in seven games. Just like the programmers at ABC, the Sharks cancelled Nashville .… When John Chayka was named the Arizona Coyotes’ general manager the other day, the 26-year-old became the youngest GM in NHL history. Noted Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: “Chayka immediately traded a future first-round draft pick for four killer tickets to Pearl Jam.”
Zac Blair was disqualified after the second round of the PGA’s Wells Fargo Championship for using a non-conforming club. Turns out Blair bent the shaft of his putter when he hit himself on the head after missing a putt. Wait, a golfer used his cranium to damage a club? That must be why they call it a “fore” head …. Russia is denying a New York Times story that claimed a state-run doping program helped the country’s athletes succeed at the Sochi Winter Olympics. Sounds like the Russians were Putin people on pedestals …. Doctors continue to suggest that the upcoming Summer Olympics should be moved out of Rio de Janeiro to avoid a Zika epidemic. Russian athletes shouldn’t be worried; they’ve all had their shots.
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has written a cookbook that sells for US$200. Added comedy writer Jim Barach: “The only problem is that it is nearly impossible to make the souffle recipe without having it go completely flat.” … Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski told ESPN that he believes Brady will play 16 games in the 2016 NFL season, even though he has been suspended for four games for his role in Deflategate. Oh well, math never was Gronk’s strong suit …. The wife of New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie gave birth to twins this week, bringing his number of children to 12 by eight different women. Finally, after years of trying, Cromartie now can field a CFL team.
Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg had some news this week on another prospective father. “Last year’s Triple Crown winner, American Pharoah, gets paid $200,000 for sex and he has sex three times a day for $600,000,” Kaseberg wrote. “So, guys, compared to American Pharoah, we are all abject failures.” … After tailback Cyrus Habibi-Likio agreed to join the Washington State University Cougars football team, his mom, Atousa Habibi, tweeted: “Proud of you son. … Looks like I’ll be a cougar before I thought.” … Ida Keeling, 100, set a world record for centenarians in the 100 metres during a track meet in Philadelphia on April 30. Or at least she will when she finishes.
Brandon Laird, a former majorleaguer who now plays baseball in Japan, won $10,000 as well as a year’s supply of beer when his home run hit a Kirin beer sign the other day. As Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times put it: “Here’s hoping this batter loves pitchers.” … Some news from the society page caught the attention of blogger Janice Hough. “You know Justin Verlander’s pitching has been going downhill,” Hough wrote of the Detroit Tigers’ hurler, “when the CNN headline is ‘Model Kate Upton gets engaged.’ ” … “An ad in NYC for Delta Airlines has the line ‘We Go Wherever They Go’ over a picture of the Yankees taking the field,” scribbled comedy writer Marc Ragovin. “So I called up and asked how much two tickets to the cellar would cost me.”
This week’s wacky soccer story comes from Spain, where CD Palencia has unveiled uniforms that depict the muscle structure of the human body. From now on, Palencia’s games will be Shirts versus Skinned …. The NBA playoff series between the Toronto Raptors and Miami Heat has gone back and forth. Asked how he was handling the stress, Raptors head coach Dwane Casey replied: “I’m sleeping like a baby — waking up and crying.” …. The last word this week goes to TNT’s Charles Barkley, who offered a censor-friendly take on the series between the Oklahoma City Thunder and San Antonio Spurs that only served to make him sound goofy: “It was going to come down to WTF What The Hell.”