Workshop celebrates the bonds of bromance
For much of history, close, platonic bonds between men were a thing to be revered.
Stories were told honouring the deep connections that formed between two men who related to each other not just as buddies, but as brothers.
Enter the Victorian Age. As society’s views of masculinity changed — denouncing outward displays of emotion and re-establishing gender roles — so did the way men related to each other.
Austin Josephson and longtime best friend Thomas Fahlman are hoping to change that through a Regina workshop entitled Masculinity and Bromance: A Celebration. Now in its third run since it launched last year, registration for the workshop being held Monday at Luther College quickly hit the full-house mark.
“I think every man at one point in his life needs that type of friendship ...,” said Josephson.
“It’s life-changing and there are definitely health benefits. And it really can make your life better when you know you have this person for life.”
Josephson and Fahlman met at Luther College High School 10 years ago and Josephson said their bromance has changed both their lives.
When Fahlman (now in remission) was battling cancer, Josephson went to visit him every week to help him stay positive.
“It strengthened our friendship, it brought us closer,” Josephson said.
He said the workshop attempts to break down views on what it is to “be a man” and to show there are healthier ways. Not only does that mean tossing out outdated attitudes about women, sexuality and what counts as acceptable behaviour; it means replacing it with the view that men should not have to conceal who they are or how they feel.
“I think one of the hardest things for any man is discovering who he is as a man,” said Josephson. “Do I fit into this mould? Can I be my own person? For example ... loving the arts, singing, music doesn’t make you any less masculine than liking football. I think we have to firmly establish that as a society.”
Another stereotype that Josephson said is damaging is the idea men can’t be open with other men the way women are with their best friends.
“There’s a double standard between men and women,” he said. “Girls can have a BFF. They can hug this BFF. They can love them. They can cry with them. They can hold their hand and no one bats an eye ... With men, we’re starting to say, yes, you can love your best friend like a brother. You can hug him.
“You can say, ‘I love you, bro.’ There’s nothing wrong with that, but our society says that it’s only OK for women to have those relationships. But men and women should equally have those relationships and celebrate them.”
Josephson said he’s grateful for his family for instilling in him that it’s all right for males to show love and emotion, and to his girlfriend for appreciating his need for bromance in his life.
While there is still some distance to go, Josephson said he believes the notion of close male friendship and a “new masculinity” is becoming more accepted.
“We can rebuild masculinity by talking about it, by being open, by communicating ...,” he said. “It all goes back to how you were raised. It’s a cycle, and I think we’re starting to change that cycle.”