5 THINGS PARENTS CAN’T AVOID AT THIS TIME OF YEAR

1 CHRISTMAS FETE FRENZY

“I still have PTSD from the year I volunteered to run the Christmas card program,” one mom said. “Five minutes after school finished, a wave of 400 parents and kids charged into a hall that was slightly too small and much too hot. They came to collect the cards their kids had designed for printing. Which was exciting, until Mia’s cards were not in the box. Or Roman’s. Or the twins’. The furious granny shaking her fist and telling me she would be getting to the bottom of this was a highlight.”

2 CRAFTING CRISIS (HOME)

We’re all Pinteresting these beautiful cards our kids will decorate with buttons and ribbons and stamp with “made by …” in gold ink. In reality, they are shrieking about hotglue-gunning their fingers to the table, and punching each other for the best buttons. Then you find yourself, late at night, glittering the Christmas tree collage so it looks just like it was made by your eightyear-old.

3 CRAFTING CRISIS (SCHOOL)

Then you get called in to help out with the school Christmas craft activities — such as icing gingerbread men with buttons and smiles, and then it all goes a bit porn when some aspiring Banksy realizes he can draw wee-wees and boobies instead.

4 DON’T FORGET YOUR OWN JOB

Meanwhile, your boss needs both the end-ofyear numbers and next year’s plan, ASAP. Only you lose a few days because everyone has a filthy cold, closely followed by a vomiting bug, and you need to take an afternoon off for that school party, another for the carols and one for the nativity.

5 NO, MAMA DOESN’T WANT MORE WINE!

Then there’s the avalanche of client social events, team drinks and the company party. One mom, who works in marketing, claims to have at least one event every night between now and Dec. 20. She is begging colleagues to share it all so she can be home a few nights each week and not need to wring cheap white wine out of her organs.