Stop meeting expectations this Christmas

Find your own meaning this holiday, Adele Blair says.

Are you feeling Christmassy yet?

Are you relishing those Christmas standards flooding the airways incessantly and happily humming along? Can you hardly wait to have turkey dinner with people you would really rather not be with if they were not called family?

If you are thinking “no” to any of these questions, you are not alone. Rest assured the Christmas season is a difficult one for many people. Most of us, perhaps. Still, we put on a happy face, shake hands with wishes for the best of the season, and regularly ask others those Christmassy questions, like:

“Are you ready for Christmas yet?” or “Have you got all your shopping done for Christmas?” or “Have you started your Christmas baking?”

If people only knew just how you were feeling about this whole thing, you think, they might see you as the Grinch, a mean old Scrooge or a Debbie Downer. So you and a lot of other folk pretend, act it out and play the game. All the while, you are pretty darn depressed about it all and can hardly wait to get it over.

A whole lot of folks are sharing your feelings. The expectations for the holiday and portrayal of other people’s family relationships and celebrations in our culture are incongruent with the reality of our own. The scabs on our hearts from the past get scratched and picked at with every trigger surrounding Christmas, reminding us that our childhoods were not perfect, our families are not perfect and our lives are not perfect. Facing the truth of most people’s human experience brings on those Christmas Blues for so very many of us.

Can you endure another boring office party with your spouse’s co-workers? Can you handle one more meal with bigoted Aunt Matilda? Can you watch one more grandchild throw his 21st present on the floor and ask what the next one is?

Can you say “Merry Christmas” to one more

Consider declining all invitations to anywhere you really do not want to go.

person when you are just not feeling it yourself?

The simple answer is you do not have to. Just stop doing what does not work for you. Stop trying to meet other people’s expectations. Create your own personalized version of the holiday.

Consider declining all invitations to anywhere you really do not want to go. Eliminate material gifts and give the gift of “time” to those you love. Consider having a potluck dinner on Dec. 25 with those who really want to be with you and with those you only really want to invite.

Remember that the holiday was originally meant to celebrate the arrival of a sweet baby boy in Bethlehem long, long ago, who gave himself to the world to spread peace and goodness. Take that thought, model after it and find your own meaning in Christmas.

You might find it in service to others. Consider visiting a long-term care home with your children to spend time with elderly people who never have visitors. Consider volunteering at a homeless shelter to help dish up some meals. Consider inviting someone who will be alone to join you for Christmas Day.

Doing good for others is the antidote for Christmas depression, in my experience.

Why not give yourself a break from other people’s expectations and reframe what Christmas looks like for you? Maybe then, when people start asking if you are feeling Christmassy, you can say you are genuinely looking forward to the holiday that brings peace, goodness and joy.

Adele Blair is an Ottawa writer.