Power lies in truth, leadership forum hears
Answering a question like, “Where are you from?” or “What was your prom like?” isn’t simple for Dawn Smith.
Telling people you were born and raised in a cult doesn’t exactly spring off the lips in casual conversation, but it’s how she started off the 11th annual Inspiring Leadership Forum hosted by the University of Regina on Wednesday.
“In the late ’60s, early ’70s there was a movement that took place primarily in California called the Jesus Movement, where ex-hippies grew up a little bit, had a few kids and decided to channel that anti-establishment angst into religion,” said Smith. “My father ... was one of those ex-hippies and together with his dad ... they started a small evangelical fundamentalist non-denominational cult in Southern California called The Assembly.”
It targeted vulnerable college kids, but with no accountability, the group got more and more controlling and abusive as the years went on, she said. Members could not date or watch television.
Science, nail polish, piercings, birth control, dancing and even psychiatry were forbidden. Ambitious females were discouraged.
Her grandparents were in charge. Smith described her grandfather, George, as a great public speaker, a charismatic leader and a narcissistic pathological liar. Her grandmother, Betty, kept quiet the women that George would exploit for sex and told them if they ever said a word about it, they would single-handedly “bring down God’s work.”
“I find myself at five years old ... standing on a street corner in my favourite conservative dress,” recalls Smith. “I’m gripping a gospel flyer because I have been taught that I could be the only thing standing between a soul and the burning, firing furnaces of hell. It’s at that moment that I see her.
“She is an older woman and she’s got grey fly-away hair. She locks eyes with me and she walks up to me and she gets down on one knee and she says, ‘One day, you will grow up and you will realize that you can leave all this.’ ”
It took 18 years, but that’s exactly what she did. She was shunned by her family and friends and spent her 20s unlearning everything the cult had ingrained in her.
Cult members would try to convince her to come back, a tempting thought as she struggled to find her place “in the real world.”
She found therapy and an old friend who had left the same cult. Having someone who could relate to what she was going through made all the difference. It made her strong enough to stay away despite the pain and be who she truly was.
Living your truth means leaving something familiar, and for her, it meant never speaking to her grandparents again and losing friendships, but in the end, she gained herself and that was worth it.
“Leaving The Assembly was hard, but even the hardest day of freedom was better than the best day in a cult,” said Smith.
Now a writer, she uses storytelling to find peace while still speaking out. She lives her truth to help free others.
“A few years after I’d left The Assembly the romance of short hair and nail polish had worn off. I’d had a very hard day. I was walking down the street in L.A. when I saw her. A young girl in a conservative dress. She was standing by a man who was yelling the gospel on the street.
“I made eye contact with her and I went up to her and I got down on one knee and I said, ‘One day, you will grow up and you will realize you can leave all of this.’ ”
Two other speakers shared how and why they strive to live their truths.
Caitlyn Jenner, a former Olympic gold-medallist and transgender woman, shared her coming out journey. Jenner said the biggest barrier she faced was the fear of hurting her family.
“I wanted to live my life authentically, but I wanted to do that in a way I didn’t hurt anybody,” she said during a news conference before her scheduled talk.
“I think one of them would have said no, don’t do it, I probably wouldn’t have done it.”
Luckily for her, all of her children were supportive.
Samra Zafar shared how she found the courage to escape a decade of abuse after living as a child bride in a forced marriage in Canada. A resilient woman, she was inspired to forge on by her children and the kindness of strangers who later become friends.
“Your power lies in living your truth, in being who you are unapologetically,” she told the sold-out crowd. “Be bold about it and be very, very loud about it.”
Next year’s speakers are Holly Austin Gibbs, Suki Kim and Dr. Jen Welter.