Addressing `unhealthy masculinity' part of reducing domestic violence
Awareness of domestic violence is increasing without an accompanying reduction in the crises encountered by women and children.
One of the solutions, according to YWCA Regina CEO Melissa Coomber-bendtsen, is to take a deeper look at the cycles of violence and painstakingly break down the process that ultimately leads to discord.
It is important, for example, to address a mindset that has become deeply ingrained in men.
“Men are sort of brought forward in this place of recognizing that they can't have emotions and they have to be able to be aggressors,'' Coomber-bendtsen says. “These gender norms that we place on each other compound all of (the problems) and, unless we start talking about it in a really complex kind of way, I don't think anything's going to change. So I think it's about breaking it completely down.”
Until that can happen, the pressures on staff members and available space at the Queen City's four women's shelters — Regina Transition House, SOFIA House, WISH Safe House and the YWCA Regina's Isabel Johnson Shelter — will continue to be considerable.
Hence the importance of the Leader-post Christmas Cheer Fund, which has benefited the shelters and their guests since 1992.
Although many of the Cheer
Fund stories pertain to the challenges faced by women, the role of men and the issues or expectations they encounter are also crucial to the discussion.
“One of the things we recognize at the YWCA is that it is so important to also understand the cycles of violence that affect men and also the pressure that is placed on men to have what we would call unhealthy masculinity,” CoomberBendtsen says.
“There's the notion that men aren't supposed to have emotions and there are terms like `man up.' We put a lot of pressure on our young boys to behave in a certain
way and it doesn't have the same type of conversation around consent and around healthy relationships and some of the foundations that need to happen in order for there to be respectful partnerships. I think that and breaking the cycles of violence that impact families will have a huge impact on the rates of domestic violence in our community.”
WISH Safe House executive director Anna Crowe agrees.
“What I have noticed throughout the years and throughout my experience is that some of our males were raised and throughout their childhood and throughout their life were taught and told that to show emotions is almost unacceptable from the male perspective,” Crowe says. “Showing emotions or, for example, crying is reflecting that the person is weak.
“They were raised in an environment where men are holding everything in, without showing much emotion. Some of the areas that are really affected are their lack of ability to communicate, to be able to say `this has hurt me' or `you have hurt me' or `I'm hurt.' So all that is all bottled up inside. There is also the fear of being ridiculed and being laughed at if they cried or if they showed their real, true feelings.”
Crowe, like Coomber-bendtsen, is all too aware of the statistics that underline the prevalence of domestic violence. Yet, there is optimism about better days ahead.
“Through awareness, I really believe that things will change,” Crowe says. “The whole area of domestic abuse will decrease. I really believe that.”