I do not take a drink

ANNMARIE O’CONNELL

He strokes my hair awkwardly.

I get blindsided by an everlasting joy.

I wonder if his mother ran through all the rooms looking for cigarettes. I wonder if her heart was so cold the windows shut themselves.

Right now nothing stirs in me. I pilot the plane. I wait several seconds. Right now everything stirs in me. I pilot the plane. His secret life throbs in my hand. I do not take a drink. I find out his other girlfriend is rich.

It’s like we live in two other worlds.

She says I have a 63rd street education. Sometimes she calls me sweetheart. I have never studied in Hong Kong. I have never left the country. I wanted to go to Iraq. My dad said I will kill you myself. 63rd street education. I pilot the plane. Having survived so much

I am fully armed and riding alone. I put my fist against something imagined. I wait several seconds. I do not take a drink. I put my fist among stars.