8 Misconceptions About Influence

1. Pushy = influential. Actually, the opposite is true. Being influential requires being influenceable. And making people comfortable saying No makes them inclined to say Yes.

2. If they understand the facts, they’ll make the right decision. Because the mind doesn’t work the way we think it does, facts are far less persuasive than we think they are.

3. People act on their values and their conscious decisions. We all want to act on our values and conscious decisions, but the gap between our intentions and our behaviour is a vast abyss. Changing someone’s mind doesn’t necessarily mean you’re influencing their behaviour (which is the goal).

4. Becoming influential involves persuading disbelievers and bending resistant people to your will. No, the success of your great idea depends on enthusiastic allies. Your efforts to find, empower and motivate them will go much further than your efforts to overcome their resistance. 5. A negotiation is a battle. You might assume negotiations are adversarial, but most people are just trying not to be suckers. The more experienced a negotiator is, the more likely they are to be collaborative — which makes them more successful.

6. Asking for more will make people like you less.

How they feel about you depends more on how you ask than how much you ask for. And when both parties (including you) are happy with how things work out, they’re much more likely to follow through.

7. The most influential people can get anyone to do anything. This isn’t how it works, which is a good thing, both for them and for you.

8. People don’t listen to people like you. A voice might be telling you that to get other people’s attention, you’d have to be more extroverted, or older, or younger, or more attractive, better-educated, more experienced, the right race, or a native speaker. But we can all learn how to speak so other people listen — and listen so they’ll speak.