Husband thinks wife may have been an incest victim
Dear Annie: I’m positive that my wife was a victim of incest, but I don’t know how to broach the subject or how to help her.
Her sister manifests similar problems that I’ve heard are due to rape by one’s father. But I don’t have any hard evidence, only a hunch. What can I do? How do you open such a discussion? — G. Dear G.: Signs of incest do not distinguish between abuse by one’s father as opposed to one’s uncle, brother, step-parent or other trusted relative or friend.
Signs can include flashbacks, nightmares, memory issues, anxiety disorders, self-mutilation, an inability to form relationships, sexual dysfunction, eating disorders, and drug or alcohol abuse, among others.
We don’t know what specifically makes you believe your wife and her sister have been victims of incest, but please contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network at rainn.org for additional information and assistance.
Dear Annie: I am 55 and the oldest of three siblings. We had a close, happy family until my father died unexpectedly six years ago. After the funeral, I saw my mother sitting with my sister, “Nina,” and her insurance agent, having everything changed to Nina’s name. It used to be in mine.
My mother is of completely sound mind. Since Dad passed, however, she has allowed Nina to control her life. My sister handles all her finances and won’t discuss them with my brother or me. Although Mom and I used to go places together, she now won’t get in my car for any reason, not even to attend church.
Nina’s family has my mother buffaloed into thinking they are the only
ones who care about her. My brother and I feel like outcasts. Unlike Nina, we are quite successful and don’t need anything from Mom.
I love my mother but she pushes me away. I know Nina would love it if I stopped visiting. Why would a parent choose a favourite like this? — Used to Be Her Daughter
Dear Used to Be: While you say your mother is of “sound mind,” you could be wrong. The sudden death of her husband could have sent her into a tailspin of depression, anxiety and confusion. Your sister exploited this, but Mom may have been so grateful that Nina took over that she submitted totally and now fears alienating her in any way.
Simply tell her you love her and worry that she is pushing you away. Ask how to improve your relationship so it doesn’t disintegrate.