Husband must ’fess up to flirty friendship

Dear Annie:

Three months ago, my husband and I were introduced to a couple through mutual friends. My husband could not take his eyes off the woman all evening. They arranged to go on an all-day seminar course together. The course leader took a suggestive photo of them that he circulated to all his male friends. Shortly after, he asked for a divorce out of the blue, saying I criticized him too much.

I snooped on his computer and found the photo along with other highly flirtatious emails, one of them arranging to meet this woman during the day. Shortly after that, she broke up with her boyfriend while he was undergoing chemotherapy.

I never told my husband that I knew about their flirtation as I wanted to see where it was headed. When my husband said maybe we should work on our marriage, we went for couples counselling. That’s when I brought it up, showing the counsellor all of the photographs and emails I found.

My husband says he did nothing wrong, that I ruined a good friendship, and he feels “violated” because I snooped on his computer. But he still wants to work on our marriage. I believe he will do it again. — In Limbo Dear Limbo: Your counsellor should be addressing these issues. If that hasn’t happened, try again. Your husband needs to admit that his interest in this woman was inappropriate. There are also trust and communication issues.

Dear Annie:

My aunt’s son is a drug addict who has been in and out of jail and treatment centres. My aunt has not spoken to many of us over the years. However, she is planning to come to my grandmother’s home for Christmas dinner and to bring her son.

I do not feel comfortable around my cousin. I think he is dangerous. My relatives say it’s time for the family to heal, and I should forgive him. They are all willing to sit down with him because they think he is clean and drug-free. I don’t trust that he is, and I don’t want my children in his presence. — Niece

Dear Niece:

You should protect your children from anyone who poses a danger. But you aren’t giving your cousin a chance to reintegrate himself into the family if he is, in fact, clean.

We understand your reluctance to be around him, but addicts who are making a sincere effort need the emotional support of their families. How long has he claimed to be drug free? Is there any evidence that he has relapsed?

You might consider stopping by Grandma’s house without your children to check on the situation and say hello, and then have your Christmas dinner elsewhere.