Alternative marriage
More and more people living common-law, whether they know it or not
Neither of them wears a wedding ring, but Pam Noordman and Jeff Kwasney live like any other married couple.
They own a home together. They have a five-yearold son together. Although they’ve skipped the vows, the rings and the big party, in the eyes of the Saskatchewan government, they are essentially as good as wed.
“Just because we don’t have a piece of paper, doesn’t mean we are any less committed,” Noordman says.
Tens of thousands of couples in the province are considered common-law in the eyes of the government, and afforded the same rights as people who go through with a traditional wedding.
Some of those couples, like Noordman and her partner, have made a conscious choice not to get married. Others might be living in a common-law relationship and not even know it.
“Things are different from province to province and that can surprise people,” said Sarah Knudson, a sociology professor at St. Thomas More College who researches family structures.
Unlike some other provinces in Canada, where couples have to register themselves if they want common-law benefits, in Saskatchewan couples who live together for two years become common-law automatically. And while this province has nowhere near the number of common-law couples as other provinces, like Quebec — where an estimated 1.4 million people live in a common-law relationship — the trend is growing here, according to Knudson.
Lisa McFarlane has been in a common-law relationship for 13 years, and has no plans to get legally married.
“The way we look at it, we have the same benefits as a married couple,” she says.
Her partner did propose to her more than a decade ago, but they just never thought a huge wedding was necessary, she says.
“It’s just a really expensive party for our friends and family, and a bunch of toaster ovens. We just don’t see the need for it.”
Common-law couples reap the rewards of marriage without the wedding: they can get benefits from work, tax breaks and recognition from the government — but that also means a breakup can look a lot like a traditional divorce.
In Saskatchewan, commoncouples are faced with the same division of property laws as married couples; if they go their separate ways, their assets may be split in half.
“It’s founded on this theory that the second they live together they are intermingling their finances and they come to depend on each other,” says David Samuel, an associate with MacDermid Lamarsh who specializes in family law.
The system, in his opinion, is set up to level the playing field for couples regardless of whether they’re married or simply have a living arrangement that looks almost identical to a marriage. If you’ve been a stay-at-home parent for five years while your partner goes to work every day, the law in this province says you should be entitled to half the family’s assets if you break up — the same as if you were married.
Disputes between commonpartners who have broken up are not uncommon, Samuel says. They make up roughly 30 per cent of his cases involving separating couples.
While he can’t give legal advice without knowing the details of each case, he says it’s probably best for cohabiting couples approaching the two-year mark to talk to a lawyer, and maybe even sign a “cohabitation agreement” outlining who is entitled to what in the case of a breakup. Signing the equivalent to a pre-nuptial agreement with your girlfriend or boyfriend might cause some stress, but Samuel says it’s better than the alternative.
“Given the stats on breakups, most relationships won’t last forever. Yes, it is uncomfortable, but it’s a lot less uncomfortable than losing your house once your relationship falls apart.”
While common-law couples are becoming more commonplace, they are still a minority. Only 15 per cent of people in relationships in Saskatoon are considered common-law.
Still, the 34- year- old Noordman says the stigma of cohabiting without being married is fading. She and her partner are not religious, and she says none of her friends judge her for making the choice not to get married. While she still feels the pressure from older people sometimes, that pressure to wed is definitely fading.
“It seems to be more so my parents’ generation. I mean, we have a son together, we own a condo together. How much more serious can you get?”