Online dating success in the profile details
The profiles are witty, quirky, lovable.
“I live by myself, I pay my own rent, I wear socks that match and I love my mom.”
“I am addicted to rock, ’cause I am a climber.”
“I sometimes ‘fast’ accidentally, because I forget to eat. Then I get real hungry. And I eat. A lot.”
Real men, talking about themselves through interesting online dating profiles. Radio Wright, a self-described “e-dating doctor” in Miami, found and posted them to inspire wannabe lovers and teach them how to dish about themselves on dating sites.
But then the good went sideways. Thousands — yes, thousands — of other men copied and pasted those good profiles verbatim and passed themselves off as the selfdeprecating, adventurous, masculine men so attractive on the interweb.
Women caught on and Wright got emails from the fraudsters, angry they weren’t getting dates.
That’s obviously not the way to sell yourself online, says Wright, who runs a dating academy and does oneon-one coaching to helps guys jazz up their dating profiles and find someone special.
“Copying profiles, even a profile you think is good, doesn’t pay off,” says Wright, 36, and a 10-year veteran of online dating. “It’s better just to be original. … There is no reason not to be yourself.”
Unless, of course, that true self is a shirtless dude taking an overexposed selfie in the bathroom mirror.
But what makes a perfect online profile? While there is no magic recipe — a profile that’s boring to one person might intrigue the next — experts in the burgeoning industry of e-dating advice say there are some basics to consider.
Photos are huge — and post lots of them. And the ones of you posing with five of your besties, whether male or female?
“If your friends look like a bunch of scrubs, you will be judged by who you associate with,” Wright said. Don’t get lost in a sea of other faces. And if you have to clarify that the lovely woman on your elbow is your cousin or sister? Maybe nix it.
Men should also take care about what’s in the background of their smiling faces: women will notice that Labatt light in the bar’s background or your 50-inch TV and decor choices, Wright says. Make sure those details align with your values.
Women certainly noticed the huge sandwich Mike Drouillard was eating in one of his photos in Hawaii, and were intrigued. Drouillard is now married to one of the sandwich gawkers and together, they’ve launched the Vancouver-based business Perfect My Profile.
The message to that story? A photo of you shearing a sheep or eating haggis just might spark discussion. The generic “I like going for dinner with friends” becomes more interesting when you say, “I’m partial to spicy Thai food” or “I love hosting potlucks in my condo.” The more specific the detail, the easier it is for would-be suitors to break the ice.
“Bait someone with details,” says Sam Duggal, who offers online dating advice through his Edmonton company, Promotion Dating. “Online dating is competitive.”
Some women get 50 messages from men in one hour, Duggal said. Generic information, akin to the cheesy in-person pickup line, just might make the woman roll her eyes and gloss over you, he said.
But while the aim is to sell yourself online, Drouillard and Wright both caution people to not oversell themselves. Listing all your accomplishments — you cook organic every night, run 30 kilometres every weekend, volunteer with a soccer club and work as a lawyer, for example — can be overwhelming.
“It can come off as bragging,” Wright said.
“A lot of it comes down to writing style. It’s not what you’ve done per se, there’s no formula to that,” Drouillard said. “It’s having a good writing style that conveys the message of someone who’s serious but not desperate, approachable but not desperate and who’s doing something with their life but isn’t this A-triple-plus overachiever that will have no time for you.”
Also be wary of being selfdeprecating, since tone is key. “It often comes off as low selfesteem and low (self) value,” Wright said. And that’s not what you or others are likely to find attractive.
But while the profile matters, Wright says: “It is a small, ridiculous snapshot, really.”
Erinne Sevigny, 28, can vouch for that. The profile of Paul Adachi didn’t impress her.
“It didn’t stand out in any way,” Sevigny said. But Adachi liked what he saw in username Soleil31 (soleil means sun in French).
“She knew what she wanted,” Adachi, 27, said. Sevigny’s Plenty of Fish profile was simple but genuine, and included photos of her glacier climbing and with her Belgian Shepherd dog named Nyx. Her adventurous and strong-willed nature was obvious in the details: she lived and taught in France for one year. She had future business plans that didn’t involve a 9-to5 desk job. After the first date in June 2012 — drinks during which Adachi knew his date only as “E,” then a kiss to end the evening — every other online feeler stopped, Sevigny says. “I knew by mid-August this is the guy.”
Her advice for anyone diving into the online dating world? No truck or bar photos, please. Keep it short, because no one has time for an epic. If you aren’t quirky, don’t be quirky, just straight you. And clean up the sentences.
“I wasn’t going to hate on a comma splice, but spelling errors were an issue,” Sevigny says.
Most importantly? Don’t try too hard.
“Put the profile up for yourself that you think is best — and maybe that’s with a ton of pictures at the bar or of your truck — and you’ll attract the kind of person who suits you,” Sevigny says. “Whatever you put out there will have your energy in it and will attract those type of people.”