Talk to your beneficiaries about your estate
Half of North American adults don’t have a will, according to Dr. Thomas Deans, author of a new book, Willing Wisdom. This means eventually about 12.5 million Canadians are going to die intestate, leaving their property to be divided according to government rules.
Did you know that at least four U.S. presidents died without wills — two were lawyers?
In his blog, Deans sarcastically lists 10 reasons why you should never write a will. The first one says, “you have spent a lifetime working, saving and generally deferring consumption to fund your retirement. Now that your money has outlasted you, it will be awesome to see how the government divides your assets. Governments always make amazing decisions about other people’s money.”
Deans addresses the common perception that a will is a secret document that we never talk about. He explains how the will-making process can become an open dialogue built around trust and collaboration with the most important people in our life.
The relationship between inheriting money and providing health care is an issue that is becoming increasingly relevant for two major reasons — we are living much longer and the cost of health care and assisted living are rising faster than inflation and saving rates.
Many of us are going to live considerably longer than the average age of 76 for men and 81 for women. Inevitably we will have to turn to family for financial support and care when our savings are fully depleted. They are the same family members from whom secrets were kept when a surplus seemed certain.
Why do so many people keep their financial resources secret from those who will likely be providing them with long-term care at the end of their lives? How do secrets serve beneficiaries or add to relationships before we become old and increasingly dependent? Estate planning professionals say the secrecy stems from a lack of trust and a debilitating fear of death.
For those who view their money as an absolute source of power and control, you can see how the aging process and the gradual relinquishing of power and control make dying and death a rather wretched, fearful experience. Compare that to individuals who seriously prepare family, friends and charitable organizations to receive not just their wealth but their wisdom and you will see some extraordinary relationships built purposefully over a lifetime, even when savings are being gradually depleted.
Sharing the contents of a will requires judgment. Deans calls his book Willing Wisdom for a reason. The sharing of wisdom can begin through conversations with intended beneficiaries long before death seems imminent.
A will does not need to be seen as a solo end-of-life document, but rather a collaborative work of art monumentally improved by living in relationship with our intended beneficiaries.
It is through the act of collaboration, supported through frequent and deliberate conversations about the future, that we leave something more valuable than just our money. Through dialogue we can learn to overcome our fear of death. We gain confidence that our beneficiaries will take our ideas and perhaps our surplus assets at death and live purposeful lives themselves.
Have you shared the contents of your will with your intended beneficiaries, especially the ones who will likely be providing long-term care for you?
Deans is an author and a full- time professional speaker who resides in Ontario. You can meet him and receive a free copy of his book when you buy a ticket to hear him speak on Feb. 26 at Prairieland Park. This Willing Wisdom event is cosponsored by The Saskatoon Community Foundation and Continuity Partnership.