Widows help one another through support group
Martha Klassen felt “ripped apart” when her husband Edwin passed away unexpectedly in April of last year.
“When two people get married,” she says, “there’s a sort of spiritual bond that is created. When that is broken, it feels as if something has literally been torn out of you.”
That was just one aspect of widowhood with which Klassen had to cope. “Another big challenge is loneliness,” she says. “Once the funeral is over, everyone suddenly disappears. Family and friends get on with (their) own lives and you find yourself all alone.”
A GriefShare group “only went so far” and did nothing to alleviate the loneliness.
Being an organizer and a take-charge person at heart, Klassen began to think about starting a social support group for widows. She mentioned it to her pastor at Westgate Alliance, Rev. Frank Jeske, who encouraged her to pursue the idea.
“I prayed a lot about it, and also talked to my four children who all said, ‘Do it, Mom,’” she says.
By this time, Christmas was approaching. Klassen knew the season would be difficult not only for her, but for the other 30 or so widows in her church. It seemed the perfect motivation to organize an event exclusively for widows. She put a notice in the church bulletin, rented a city bus, and 18 widows came out to go on a light tour with coffee afterward.
That was the beginning of Naomi’s Widow Ministry for the Widow’s Journey. Klassen named the group after her mother, Naomi Ruth.
“We meet twice a month, on Wednesday afternoons at 1:30,” she says. “The group started at Westgate Alliance, but it’s open to widows from the entire community, other churches and even outlying areas. Our mandate is threefold: care, share and prayer — to provide comfort, encouragement and help for widows through times of grief.
“The ministry is based on Matthew 5:4 where Jesus says, ‘Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.’”
Klassen says the group’s mission is to help one another find purpose and meaning in this new stage of life, to meet spiritual needs through scripture and prayer, to develop a support network of widows, and to create an atmosphere of love, comfort and fellowship.
Meetings generally include a short devotional followed by an opportunity to share concerns and pray for one another, plus a time of visiting or an activity or outing.
“It’s interesting the issues that come up,” Klassen says. “I, for instance, hate getting into the van alone. Whenever I have to drive anywhere, I miss my husband terribly.
“Lack of sufficient income is a concern for many widows. Some wish they could afford to travel like others they know. All of us know what it is to feel like a fifth wheel.”
Klassen says a huge concern for widows is dealing with household breakdowns, like plumbing or electrical problems, and not being able to afford repair services.
“What do we do? Families are so busy. You always can’t depend on your children,” she says. “It would be wonderful if men in churches would organize teams to do this kind of work. The widows would be happy to bake a pie in exchange for fixing a light switch, for instance.”
When the idea for the group first came, Klassen says, she expected it would be a knit-and-chat format.
“But it turns out widows are looking for something different,” she says. “They’ve had enough of GriefShare. The bottom line is that home is lonely. They want to go out and be with people who understand exactly what they’re experiencing.”
The group is only open to widows. “No widowers, no singles or divorced,” Klassen says. “It’s not a dating group. We’re widows ministering to one another.”
Group activities may include a speaker or video, recommendations for educational books and helps, involvement in mission projects, or fun activities and tours.
“Valentine’s Day is a particularly tough time for widows,” Klassen says. “The church bulletin was publicizing valentine events for youth and the Big Love Affair for couples. I looked across the congregation and saw all the widows with nothing for them, so I organized a dinner out and asked each widow to bring a piece of jewelry that meant something special to them. One lady brought the necklace and earrings she wore as a bride.”
Klassen is writing a play about the foibles and difficulties of widowhood.
“The general population doesn’t understand what widowhood is like,” she says. “I didn’t, either — until I became one.”
The play will be presented at a dessert theatre some time in September.
The next Naomi’s Widow Ministry event is scheduled for May 21. The group will be going to The Berry Barn. All widows are welcome. If transportation is needed, call 306-384-2924 or email meklass@shaw.ca.