Don’t overreact to a small problem
Dear Annie: I’ve been seeing (and sleeping with) “Jordan”’ for eight months. We met at the gym, and I asked him out because I had an amazing feeling about him. Since then, I’ve become totally infatuated. He is one of the kindest men I’ve ever met.
But the other day, Jordan casually mentioned that he needed to change my name in his phone. When I asked what he meant, he said he still had me listed as ‘’girl from the gym.”
I couldn’t believe it. We’ve been together eight months! I expressed my hurt and told him that such a thing was very cold. He didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. But, Annie, I haven’t been able to get over this detail. I see it as a total lack of respect and proof of my impermanence in his life, and it means I’m definitely not someone important to him.
Am I overreacting? — Phony Love
Dear Love: You are wildly overreacting. This is not an issue of coldness, impermanence or lack of importance. It’s laziness.
When Jordan first met you, you asked him out. You became “girl from the gym” so he would remember who you were. As you spent more time together, he grew to care about you, but editing your name in his contact list required a minor effort that he probably kept putting aside since he knew how to reach you. Now the relationship is important, and he wants to look you up with your real name. The fact that he should have done this six months ago is irrelevant. He’s doing it now. If everything else is wonderful, a better response would have been to laugh and recognize that nobody’s perfect.
Dear Annie: This is in reference to the letter from “Sad Mom,” who said a boy in her son’s school committed suicide. She said the cause of death was not explained and there had been irresponsible speculation on social media.
I have been in the funeral business for five years. Giving information like that is up to the family. It’s their call. What the school wants, what the other parents want or what is happening on social media is not important to them. They are grieving, and what they choose to say is entirely their business. — Funeral Home Manager
Dear Funeral: We completely agree that details about the cause of death are only to be shared by family members who wish to do so. It is no one else’s business, and the family should not be burdened by others’ curiosity. But in a school, the students’ concerns and fears should not be ignored as though nothing happened. This means acknowledging that there has been a death, allowing the students to grieve and providing counselling for those who need it. Most schools, fortunately, already have such programs in place, and we hope those that do not yet have one will look into it.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook. com/AskAnnies. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and
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