Mother-in-law causes problem with comment
Dear Annie: During a recent family gathering, my mother-in-law referred to me as an “out-law” instead of an in-law. This comment was totally out of the blue. Not only was I embarrassed, but I have never felt so unwanted and hurt in my entire life. With that one statement, she has completely destroyed our relationship.
My in-laws and I never have had any disagreements in the past. My husband says that I should just get over it and move on, because it is a waste of time to confront her. In her mind, she is right and always will be right.
Now I am very uncomfortable being around her, but I do it for my husband and children. If I confront her, she is the type of person who will make her son choose between us. Please help. This is eating me alive.
Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: Take a giant step back. You are making mountains out of molehills. In some families, calling the in-law children “out-laws” is an endearment.
While this may not be the case with your mother-in-law, it’s also likely that she simply has a sarcastic sense of humour and did not intend to cause a major rift.
You don’t need to “confront” her. You need to talk to her, calmly and with as much affection as you can muster. Say that you want so much to be a close member of your husband’s family, and you know she couldn’t possibly have intended to hurt your feelings like that. Then, for the sake of your marriage, let it go. Dear Annie: I am a teenager who’s always been told that if I have a problem, to talk to my parents. I did that recently, and before I could even finish, they started yelling about how stressed out they are and stuff like that. Now I’m afraid to tell them anything.
How can I talk to my parents without being one more problem for them to deal with?
Troubled Teen Near Toronto
Dear Troubled: You may have caught your parents at a particularly stressful moment, and they probably have no idea how alienating that was for you. Don’t give up. Try again, perhaps after dinner or just before bed, when they are more relaxed.