Let hubby’s ‘old flame’ know you are his wife

The following column was originally published in 2005.

Dear Annie: My husband, “Jack,” and I have been together for 11 years and married for one. When we first met, he was dating “Sofi.” He broke off the relationship with her when he met me. The breakup was extremely difficult for Sofi, and she had trouble letting go.

Recently, Jack’s job has brought the two of them back into contact. This job is a really good opportunity for Jack, but I’m afraid Sofi still hasn’t gotten over him. She calls constantly on his cellphone and finds ways to work late nights with him. She has a relatively good position in the company, and her opinion of him counts.

A week ago, at the last minute, Jack’s boss invited him for a four-day outing at his lake cabin to discuss his future with the company. I didn’t mind the command performance, but I did not care for the fact that Sofi also was there.

It bothers me that Jack has to work so closely with her. He hasn’t told her that we are married (he says it is none of her business). Annie, I am confused. If I complain, he offers to quit, saying my happiness means a lot to him. But I don’t want him to resent me for making him stop doing what he loves. I trust my husband, but I don’t trust Sofi. Odd Woman Out

Dear Odd Woman: One’s marital status may not be the business of a casual stranger, but an old flame carrying an Olympic torch ought to have this pertinent piece of information. By withholding it, Jack is giving Sofi hope for a relationship. This isn’t fair to her, and it certainly is suspicious to us. We think you should invite some of Jack’s professional colleagues to your home for a casual dinner, and be sure to include Sofi. Let them get to know you. If Jack objects to this perfectly appropriate gesture, you may have cause for concern.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from the man whose wife wants her mother to move back in with them, when it didn’t work out so well the first time. I sympathize with Mr. “Preparing to Move Out.” His situation supports the answer to the question, “Why did Adam live a very long life?” The answer? “Because he did not have a mother-in-law.” Carry on. Rocky Dear Rocky: We’re laughing now, but you can bet we’ll be hearing shortly from all the mothers-inlaw out there.