Nightly call shouldn’t be viewed as a chore

Dear Annie: Six years ago, I married “Richard.” He is a wonderful, caring, good-looking man. We returned from our honeymoon to find out he had lost his job. The next three years were a rollercoaster ride, and he finally found employment 18 months ago.

Richard has to travel out of town a great deal. He currently rents a home about three hours away with four co-workers and he comes home on the weekends. After work, the guys meet up for dinner and a couple of beers.

The only demand I place on Richard is that he call home and check in once he’s settled for the night. I work a long day and have a 10-year-old and three dogs. Sometimes, Richard doesn’t call.

If I don’t hear from him by 10 p.m., I phone, but it often takes two hours of trying before he answers. He says he was sleeping. When I ask why he didn’t call, he claims he was too tired.

The miles between us take away any control I have to check the possibilities. Richard says I’m overreacting and being childish. I have asked what has him so preoccupied that he neglects to call, but he can’t give me an answer. How should I handle this the next time it happens?

— Hands Tied in Michigan Dear Michigan: Richard may avoid nightly phone calls because he is otherwise engaged, but more likely, he is tired and reluctant to deal with what’s going on at home. Don’t wait until the next time. When Richard comes home for the weekend, schedule a quiet chat. As sweetly as you can manage, tell him that you look forward to his call all day, and when he doesn’t phone and you can’t reach him, you worry. This makes you stressed, makes him resentful and, over time, will eat away at your marriage.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.