Wife not impressed by ‘home invasion’

Dear Annie: Recently, my husband mentioned that he wanted to get together with some friends for a project. I encouraged him to invite the guys to our home to work on it. I thought it would be a few hours, but it ended up taking well over 12. They arrived early in the morning and stayed until late that night, taking over our living room.

I suggested in private to my husband that he should have wrapped things up by late afternoon. The project is for fun; it’s not like they had a deadline for work. It is also designed to continue on a weekly basis for the next six months, so committing to only a portion of the day would not have made much difference.

My husband, however, is a people pleaser and didn’t feel he could ask his friends to leave before they wanted to. Would it be wise to discuss a lax but scheduled time of arrival and departure with them in the future, or am I being unfair to suggest that the party should move elsewhere after 10 hours? I want my husband and his friends to feel comfortable in our home, but I also don’t want my house invaded for such a long period of time.

East Coast

Dear East Coast: It is always wise to discuss time constraints in advance, particularly when overstaying annoys you so much. Some wives would have no objection to a 12-hour marathon. They would occupy themselves elsewhere, and this is one option for you. But please discuss reasonable limits with your husband, allowing yourself to be the “bad guy” in order for him to ask his friends to leave when you’ve had enough. There is no point creating ill will with one’s spouse if it could easily be avoided.

Dear Annie: My husband has been put on the lung transplant list, and we are praying. Please remind your readers about donating their organs. Many people are desperate for a lung, and my husband’s time is getting shorter.

Vermont

Dear Vermont: People are also desperately waiting for kidneys, livers, hearts and corneas. We urge all of our readers to consider the gift of being an organ donor. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.