ANNIE’S MAILBOX Everybody mourns differently

Dear Annie: I was married to my husband for 31 years. Two years ago, he was killed in an accident. I miss him terribly.

Eight months later, my daughter introduced me to a nice gentleman. He is a sweet man, and we have been seeing each other ever since. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law is upset and bitter because of it. She thinks I did not wait long enough after my husband’s death. What gets me is that one of her daughters just left her husband a couple of months ago, is not yet divorced and already has a boyfriend moving in with her. That doesn’t seem to bother my mother-in-law.

I love my in-laws, but they have to realize my path in life is changing, and I have to do what is right for me. How do I get my motherin-law to understand?

Confused Daughter-in-Law

Dear Confused: Parents grieve in their own way, and the loss of a child is different from that of a spouse. No amount of mourning would be “long enough” for your mother-in-law. But it is unfair for her to expect you to remain alone indefinitely. Try to bring your inlaws into your new life. Tell them how much you love them and how you will never stop loving their son, but you don’t think he would want you to be alone. Explain that you hope they will always be part of your life. Introduce them to your new man. Be gentle and compassionate, but don’t let them dictate your future.

Dear Annie: In line at a deli, a young girl ahead of me was dressed in today’s typical tight, skimpy shorts. She was leaning against the deli case, and I noticed she had a large tattoo just above her very clearly exposed rear cleavage. Naturally, I glanced at it briefly and read what it said. I did not gawk or ogle. It was normal curiosity.

A friend cautioned me that doing so could be considered sexual harassment. My argument is that when someone essentially has a billboard on their butt, it’s an invitation for others to peruse it. To me, people who have multiple exposed tattoos should expect others to look them over. What’s your take on this?

A Guy in Virginia

Dear Guy: In most instances, body art is intended to be noticed. Discreet glancing is fine. Ogling is not. Staring, making comments, whistling, smacking your lips or touching the other person are definite no-nos. You can look, but do so respectfully. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.