Tween daughter testing limits

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: Normally, I’m good at minding my own business, but when I see how my granddaughter, “Susie,” manipulates her mother (my daughter), I feel the urge to say something.

Susie is almost 12 and seems to be testing the limits in ways I would never have tolerated. She sasses her mother and dominates the conversation at the dinner table. When told to clear away her dirty dishes, she instead goes to the cupboard for a snack. Her discarded clothes are in every room of the house. When told to get ready for school, she turns on the TV. The bathroom floor is cluttered with whatever she tossed there.

My daughter, with incredible patience, sees this behaviour as typical for her age. I see Susie as a brat testing her power. Her father says little and makes himself scarce. So far I’ve kept my mouth shut. What do you advise? Frustrated Granny

Dear Frustrated: When Susie is in your home, you can instruct her to pick up her clothes, turn off the TV and clear her plate. Her behaviour is not typical. It is excessive.

While many 12-year-olds will test the limits of what Mom and Dad will tolerate, it doesn’t mean parents should shrug their shoulders and give up. The more the parents accept, the more Susie will push.

The most you can do is suggest that your daughter discuss Susie’s behaviour with her pediatrician, school counsellor or a child psychologist.