Don’t play games with your marriage

Originally published in 2013

Dear Annie: I’m unable to develop feelings of love for my husband of eight years. In fact, deep inside, I despise him.

This is my second marriage, his fourth. In our early years together, I began to notice signs of him having an intimate relationship with another woman.

He always refuted this and became angry with me for saying such a thing. But the evidence I’ve accumulated is enough proof.

I even saw this woman multiple times, and the looks she gave me were of the “cat that ate the canary” variety.

My husband has no idea that I have evidence, although I am now positive he has stopped seeing this woman.

My problem is that my heart has a layer of cement around it because he has insulted and disrespected my intelligence by continuing to lie about it.

I cannot trust someone who’s unable to be truthful.

If my husband would only come forward and admit his guilt, as hard as it would be, I would be able to go through the process of forgiving this betrayal.

But he’s unwilling. It saddens me that he’s still robbing us both of a better marriage.

Any advice? Heart of Stone

Dear Heart of Stone: Your heart isn’t cement. You care a great deal and are trying to protect yourself from the pain of being hurt.

It’s possible that your “proof ” doesn’t tell the whole story.

Your husband may have been less involved than your evidence would indicate, in which case, he doesn’t believe he has anything to admit.

Please don’t play games with your marriage. If you have proof, show him.

Tell him you’re willing to forgive if he comes clean, and that not discussing it honestly could destroy your relationship.

If this still doesn’t help you find the reassurance you need, please consider counselling, with or without him.

Dear Annie: My wife and I attended the funeral of a female acquaintance. We were appalled when someone’s cellphone began to ring. Not only did this woman answer her phone and carry on a conversation during the service, but when her phone rang a second time, she did the same thing.

I think funeral homes should post signs telling attendees to turn off their cellphones during visitation hours and for the duration of the service.

If someone cannot do this, they should not come.

They can send flowers or a condolence card. Irritated by Lack of Thoughtfulness

Dear Irritated: There is no excuse for letting one’s cellphone disturb a funeral service (or a wedding, concert, play, movie or any other such event).

But it’s not necessary to stay away entirely. People can put their cellphones on “mute” or “vibrate” and answer urgent calls out of the room without disturbing mourners and others in attendance.

Please, people, be polite and respectful. You would want the same courtesy. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.