Ex-boyfriend is still in the picture

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I am 32 years old and live with my girlfriend, “Sarah,” who is 37.

We’ve been together for eight months.

Things were great in the beginning, but lately the relationship has been going south.

There’s an ex-boyfriend who won’t leave the picture and Sarah is partly to blame.

When he sends texts or calls, she deletes them so I can’t see what he wrote.

She’ll tell me she is out with her girlfriends, when I know she’s actually meeting with her ex. She claims she no longer has any interest in him, but he still seems to weasel his way into her head.

Sarah recently lost her job and rarely comes to bed with me. She stays up all night doing craft projects and goes to bed when I get up for work.

I love her, and she says she loves me.

I asked her to marry me, and she said yes, but only when she is happy with herself again. What does this mean? Am I wasting my time? Just Want To Be Loved in Ohio Dear Ohio: We think you and Sarah began living together before you were ready.

Sarah is still interested in her ex-boyfriend, even if it’s only as an escape hatch. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care for you. Rather, it was too much, too soon, and she is not ready to commit to you.

If you plan to marry Sarah and she is willing, please get some couples’ counselling and work on this. You may need to take a few giant steps back.