Do whatever it takes to stop Henry the hugger

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I’m a married woman in my 50s, and I hate to be hugged. I’m sure it stems from my childhood, when my mother, who was not affectionate, forced me to hug relatives.

I have a friend in his mid-70s who’s a great guy, but he’s a hugger. “Henry” insists on grabbing everyone and giving them a bear hug. I have told him repeatedly that I don’t like this, but he doesn’t listen. He also hugs my husband, who has a bad back, and those bear hugs really hurt.

I’ve been avoiding Henry, but I miss him. Perhaps if he sees this in print, he might finally get it. Hate Being Hugged in Kansas

Dear Kansas: You’ll have to remind Henry each time he comes near you that you don’t want a hug. He has difficulty controlling his effusiveness, and until he can associate his hugging with negative consequences, he won’t stop. Gently put out your arm to distance him. Tell him he’s hurting you. Do whatever will make it clear he must stop.

Dear Annie: I’m concerned about my sister’s parenting style.

Sara just went through a nasty divorce, so we let her move into a house we own next door, thinking it would help to have family close by. Sara’s kids spend a great deal of time with us.

What worries me is my sevenyear-old niece, Andrea, who appears underweight for her age and height. When she has dinner here, she eats like she’s starving.

Several weeks ago, Sara joined us for dinner, and I watched her dole out food for the kids. She gave her five-year-old son a much bigger portion than she gave Andrea. When I mentioned it, Sara said the pediatrician warned her that Andrea is obese. I don’t believe this for one second.

Andrea is sick all the time. Last week, as I was preparing the kids an after-school snack, Andrea started crying. She said she was really hungry, but if she ate anything, it would make her mother angry because she’s “so fat.” I have never been so furious with my sister.

I spoke to the school social worker and was told there is little they can do. When I spoke to Sara about getting help, she became hysterical and slapped Andrea for “telling tales.”

I’ve never seen Sara like this. I called child protection services, but I worry Sara will take off with the kids before help is provided. What else can I do? Big Sis

Dear Sis: Sara shouldn’t be slapping her daughter. You need to befriend your sister so she trusts you and her children can turn to you for help. It’s difficult to ascertain whether Sara is still stressed from the divorce, simply needs better parenting skills, or there is something else going on. You may be interpreting the food issues through your own subjective filter. Talk to the pediatrician about your concerns. But please don’t alienate Sara right now. Those kids need you. Be a safe haven for all of them. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.