Proposal irks parents

The following column was originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I recently became engaged to my boyfriend of four years. Immediately after he proposed, I phoned my parents, who always gave the impression that they liked my boyfriend. I thought they’d be happy for us. I was very wrong. My mom was really angry and said that I am “way too young ” to be getting married. Annie, I’m in graduate school. My dad said that my boyfriend “isn’t good enough” and that I should “seriously reconsider this guy.”

I am still in school, so perhaps this is their way of expressing their worry that if I get married I won’t finish my graduate program, but regardless, I’m hurt by their reaction.

I cannot figure out their problem. We are in our late 20s, which doesn’t strike me as “too young.” And if they truly believe my fiancé isn’t the right person, why didn’t they say so in the intervening four years? Why won’t they give me any concrete reasons for their objections? Sometimes I think what they’re really objecting to is the presence of another person in our small, close-knit family. But it seems selfish of them to place the current family dynamic over my future marriage and happiness. Kids grow up. They get married.

I never in my wildest nightmares thought my engagement would be such a source of anger. What do you think about this? Sad Bride-to-be

Dear Sad: It does seem as though your parents suddenly realized that you are leaving the nest and they are panic-stricken. Since they refuse to discuss their reasons with you, please ask a trusted friend or family member to intercede on your behalf and try to ascertain whether their objections have any justification. But ultimately, the decision about marriage belongs to you. We hope your parents will welcome your groom into the family instead of pushing you both away.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.