Getting past husband’s cold shoulder

This column was originally published in 2013

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for only 18 months. Things were blissful for the first year, and then things took a drastic change. One day, he told me he has lost the “in love” feeling.

Apparently, he had felt animosity for some time, but I had no idea.

He chose to hold his emotions in and over time, the result was that he stopped loving me. He now spends four days a week with friends and comes home past midnight. I don’t believe he is cheating.

When he was single, he chose to live a sheltered life.

My husband is aware that his behaviour is extreme. Could this be a mid-life crisis, even though he is only 36? How can I help him through this stage?

Newlywed Blues

Dear Newlywed: Every married couple has a period of adjustment, but we think there is more to your husband’s story than what he is telling you.

You cannot expect his behaviour to improve on its own. Unless he is willing to be honest and address what is wrong, there is unlikely to be any change in your relationship.

Counselling could help get to the bottom of it, provided your husband is co-operative. If not, please decide whether you want to remain in this marriage, because what is going on may not get better, and even if it does, this type of sudden coldness could happen repeatedly if the two of you do not learn to communicate more clearly.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.