You can’t protect friend from her poor choices
This column was originally published in 2014.
Dear Annie: My 18-year-old cousin, “Rick,” has been seeing a friend of mine for some time. Now I am in an awkward position. My friend “Joanie” told Rick she liked him, but he told her he didn’t feel the same way about her. They were together for a short time, but even then,
Rick was talking to other girls. He now has an actual girlfriend. But it seems that Rick and Joanie still have something going on.
Do I ignore their weird relationship, knowing he has a girlfriend? Joanie is my friend, and I don’t want her to be heartbroken because my cousin is leading her on. How should I advise my friend?
Confused
Dear Confused: You need to stay out of this before you are blamed for everything that goes wrong. It sounds as though Joanie is well aware that Rick is seeing someone else. That means however she chooses to handle it is up to her. Your confusion is not her problem. You can tell her you don’t think she and Rick are good together, but you cannot protect her from her own poor choices.
Dear Annie: Every year, my husband and I host a couple of family holiday gatherings. We exclude two family members because they are not pleasant to be around.
One is an obnoxious alcoholic, and the other has psychological problems and is anti-social.
The problem is, my great-aunt “Betsy” insists that these two be included and, against my wishes, invites them herself. I’m outraged by this behaviour and have told her repeatedly not to do this. But Aunt Betsy recently informed me that she has invited them again this year. What should I do about her?
Fed Up with Family
Dear Fed Up: You have three choices: Tolerate it, stop inviting Aunt Betsy or stop hosting family events. We understand that she wants the entire family included, especially for holidays, and we sympathize. Normally, we recommend tolerating the relatives for the few times a year this happens. But it’s your home and your guest list, and, right or wrong, no one else gets to make those decisions. For the next gathering, you might suggest to Aunt Betsy that she host the event and invite whomever she wishes.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.