Giving compliments can get complicated

Grade 9 students in the Collective Voice program at Aden Bowman Collegiate share their lives and opinions through columns. Selected columns usually run on Mondays in The Saskatoon Starphoenix.

Why does giving compliments feel so forced and receiving them feel so awkward?

According to Psychology Today, “There is only one way to receive a compliment — graciously, with a smile.” However, is it really that simple? What if someone’s compliment has a tone, or a message disguised underneath?

Initially I thought that compliments were just simple comments that fill in the space in a conversation. Yet, the more I looked into it, the more I realized it was more complicated. There seems to be an art to receiving and giving compliments. You have to say certain things at certain times; you can’t be “fake,” and it’s almost an expected gesture.

So what is the perfect compliment?

Nick Haslam, a psychology professor at the University of Melbourne, thinks fake compliments have the opposite effects of genuine ones. He talks about how an individual who receives a compliment might feel that the compliment is insincere. This feeling of doubt can counteract the positive effects that were initially intended.

I personally have felt uncomfortable receiving certain compliments. I find it very difficult to interpret the sincerity of a compliment, often leaving me feeling insecure or uncomfortable. Having these feelings made me consider if I’m the only one who feels this way when receiving a compliment.

Do I make people feel this way?

I think that the compliment and the message the person is giving are not the only important aspects. We also have to consider how someone may receive the compliment. It’s so easy for a kind-hearted remark to be received poorly or for someone to ignore and dismiss it.

The factor of self-esteem also plays a big role. Someone with low self-esteem might feel awkward or not know how to accept or react to a compliment. That’s something that I’ve also found difficult to do myself. It’s hard to accept what someone is saying when you don’t believe it yourself.

Even though giving or receiving compliments may seem scary or messy, having good intentions is key.

So are compliments a good thing or could they just lead to more negative outcomes? A study supported by the Japan Society for the Promotion of Science took people and tried different scenarios with different praises. The outcomes were interesting.

The study lead, Professor Norihiro Sadato of the National Institute for Physiological Sciences in Japan, stated that “to the brain, receiving a compliment is as much a social reward as being rewarded money. We’ve been able to find scientific proof that a person performs better when they receive a social reward after completing an exercise. Complimenting someone could become an easy and effective strategy to use in the classroom and during rehabilitation.”

According to Sadato, giving compliments has the potential to provide beneficial effects such as increased performance and positive outcomes. Compliments can be used as an effective positive reinforcement tool.

From what I’ve learned, giving and receiving compliments is overall a great thing. It can increase people’s performance and can make their day. An important thing to remember is not to force compliments or say things you don’t truly believe. A perfect compliment is a kind-hearted one.

Positive and truthful praise can really help someone change his or her life around.