Angry, hostile sister should see doctor

Dear Annie: My 50-something sister, “Denise,” has turned into a hostile, critical person. I visit my family four times a year and have witnessed her angry outbursts firsthand. My other siblings have become very proficient at pacifying Denise by always agreeing with her and being solicitous toward her.

Denise is not a bad person, so it is shocking to see her act this way. Most of the time, her anger is directed at sales people or drivers on the road. But I also seem to have become the target of her wrath, sometimes in the middle of a conversation. When I ask her what I said to upset her, she cannot tell me. She storms out of the room shouting and cursing.

What’s worse is that Denise has managed to sour my relationship with my other siblings. They blame me for upsetting her. Denise has directed these rages at our mother, too.

This has gone on for the past three years. Recently, Denise told me our other siblings do not like me because I upset her. My husband has noticed the change in my sister’s temperament and has caught her making fun of me or criticizing me. When he calls her on it, she claims she is only teasing.

Without these outbursts, Denise and I have a great time together. But it rarely lasts. Even after we’ve had a good day, she’ll report to our siblings that I aggravate her and she can’t stand being around me.

I do not know what to do. I try to limit my contact with her and word our conversations very carefully. I would like to maintain a relationship with my other siblings, but she is making it impossible. Do you have any advice?

No Name, Please.

Dear No Name: Has Denise had a thorough medical checkup recently? She may have a hormonal imbalance or other condition that is causing these outbursts. Please tell her you are concerned about her and suggest she speak to her doctor.

She must be terribly unhappy to have so little control over herself.

Dear Annie: I lost both of my parents a couple of years ago, and I would like to impart a very important message to your readers:

Please express your last wishes to your family and loved ones. My family was reluctant to have these discussions, so we were left guessing. As the executor of my parents’ estate, I didn’t know what their final wishes were. My brothers and I inherited their estate, but I would have gladly given that back tenfold had my parents been able to enjoy one more year of their hard-earned retirement. Yet, two years later, I am still left forever hoping that I honoured what I thought they wanted.

If you feel that this is a subject you cannot broach, just leave a letter or legal document with instructions, and make sure it can be easily found.

C.B. in New Hampshire

Dear C.B.: Thank you for the sage advice. It is often easier to speak to an attorney about one’s final wishes, but instructions for a funeral are likely not disclosed until after the fact. Write down what you want, make a couple of copies and leave them where they are most likely to be discovered by those who are looking.

Dear Annie: I have an answer for In a Fog in Kentucky. I have held large parties over the years, and I put up a sign on my front door that reads: “Please come in and have fun. Turn off all cellphones. The only exception is if you are a physician on call, and then your phone has to be on vibrate.”

I never had a problem after that, and parties are so much more fun.

Not Foggy in Texas

This Classic Annie’s Mailbox column was originally published in 2014. . Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.