When does adulthood truly begin?

This column was originally published in 2015.

Dear Annie: Who decided when someone becomes an adult? In the U.S., legally, you can vote at

18. You can obtain a gun or cigarettes and sign up for the military without your parents’ permission. But you can’t drink until age 21. Who makes these rules?

My 18-year-old son recently needed surgery. When I called with a question about the bill, the doctors and hospital staff refused to answer me. I was told no one could speak to me because my son is an adult. I politely said, “Excuse me, but that ‘adult’ is still in high school and lives in my home, and I am paying the bill.”

This very same “adult” can’t keep his room clean, yet he is responsible for making sure his medical expenses are billed correctly? And he’s supposed to pay them promptly from his minimum-wage part-time job? My son can stay on my medical insurance until he is 26, but I can’t ask a question?

They say it’s for reasons of privacy, yet this “adult” boy walked through the living room in his underwear last week, and any idiot can find lots of personal information about him on the internet.

And if an 18-year-old is responsible for his medical bills, why does the college look at my income when he requests financial aid?

A.

Dear A.: Well, you could write to your congressperson about changing the laws. We agree that some seem arbitrary. Nonetheless, HIPAA grants medical privacy to all adults, and there are valid reasons for this. The way to get information for your son is to ask him to give his physician written consent for you to have access to his medical records and information. If he expects you to pay the bills, he should be happy to do this.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.