Do not overreact, trust your husband

Originally published in 2015.

Dear Annie: I am confused about how to handle my husband’s ex-girlfriend, who shows up at his family funerals and stays three hours at the visitation hanging with my husband and reminiscing about the past. They discuss things out loud with no respect for me.

This woman is married, but never comes to these gatherings with her husband. And my husband still does her taxes, even though I told him he shouldn’t. He’s opening the door to trouble.

I do trust my husband, but not her. She definitely is still attracted to him, and it shows. Is her behaviour normal, or should I tell her at the next funeral to pay her respects and leave?

— Not Jealous, Just Hurt Dear Not: Please don’t let your insecurities cause you to overreact. If you trust your husband, it doesn’t matter what his ex-girlfriend does. And how often does the family have funerals that you need to worry about this? We agree that she is being inappropriately flirtatious, but it is only a big deal if your husband responds in a similar fashion. We suggest you chummy up to this ex-girlfriend at these events. It will totally baffle her, greatly impress your husband and make her less of a threat to you.

Dear Annie: You printed a letter from “Expecting Mom in the Midwest,” who asked for a response when rude people ask, “Was it planned?” You suggested, “Why do you need to know?” I think a good answer would be, “Of course! God planned it!” I love your column.

— Bossier City, La.

Dear Bossier City: Your response was by far the most popular one we received. We appreciate all who sent in their personal preferences. Here are a few samples:

From Pat: Your response was masterful. Another retort (not original to me) would be: “If people ask you, tell them you don’t know.” And a gentler response: “I’m hurt by your question.”

R.: I would simply say, “Yes, it was planned, but if we plan another, should we inform you first?”

There seem to be more ignorant and stupid people in today’s world, and they have no filters between their brains and mouths.

P.: When asked, “Was this pregnancy planned,” I would say, “I give up. Was it?” I have used this more times than I can say, and it always works.

Salisbury, Pa.: I’ve found this response works:

“Why in the world would you ask such a personal question? It’s rude, and you’re normally not a rude person. Are you feeling OK?” Whenever you end with a question, the other person feels compelled to answer. So throw it back in their court, and watch ‘em squirm. They deserve a little squirming.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.