All too often, mothers neglect self-care

Sunday is Mother's Day, and while to some it may be the most wonderful time of year, for others it may be painful, even heartbreaking, depending on their life's experience as a mother, aspiring mother or child.

There is no hard-and-fast rule regarding whom you can celebrate on Mother's Day. While it's often assumed it would be the woman who birthed you or adopted you, not everybody's story is the same, and many will celebrate stepmothers, surrogate mothers, aunts, godmothers and so on.

Over the last 17 years since I lost my mother, I have had many people step into my life. Some were friends of mine; others were friends of Mom. Each came at a phase of my life when I needed them the most.

Raising children takes a village. That used to mean a village in the literal sense, but fundamentally, things haven't changed a lot. Growing up, we did not have a lot of family in town. My parents' friends became like our family; their children, like our siblings or cousins. As is the norm in South Asian cultures and traditions, as in some other parts of the world, we would refer to our parents' friends as our aunties and uncles. They were the families we would vacation with, have dinner parties with just about every weekend and celebrate life's ups and downs.

I have tried to do the same in return for those close to me. That's what life's about: paying it forward.

This Mother's Day finds me focusing on self-care, not something I have ever been particularly good at. But as time goes by, I increasingly understand its importance.

I was blessed with the best mother I could have ever asked for, but she did everything for everybody but herself. Regrettably, it came at the cost of her health and well-being. As a result, she died very young. While she did see me get married, she never had the opportunity to meet my children or most of my nieces and nephews. There is a permanent sadness that lingers.

The importance of self-care should not be underestimated.

We cannot pour from an empty cup. To be the best mother, daughter, sister, friend and everything else to those around me, I need to make sure I'm filling my own cup.

No one prepares you for the roller-coaster ride that is motherhood. No one stage is necessarily easier than another. A mother of a newborn may wish her child were older and more independent. A parent of teenagers may say they miss the simpler days when their kids were toddlers and wanted to spend time with them. In her book The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin wrote that “the days are long but the years are short.” Truer words have not been spoken when it comes to the journey of motherhood.

To everyone celebrating Mother's Day or being celebrated, take time to fill your cup in whichever way holds the most value. I'll be doing the same.