Was I selfish not to let this guy use my bike

THURSDAY, JANUARY 7, 2016

Dear Annie: My pay isn’t great, but it’s better than minimum wage. I get no benefits, and my boss refuses to train me for anything more skilled than what I’m doing now, because he needs me for the lowest position. I ride a bike to work, and he often has me work at multiple locations in the area, sending me to pick up supplies.

Recently, he wanted to borrow my bike to get to an appointment and didn’t want to pay for a cab. I said, “Nobody rides my bike but me.” He was very insistent, but I still said no. If he damaged it and refused to pay, what would I do?

Anyway, he said, “I’m going to remember this the next time you need a favor.” I wasn’t aware that I had ever asked him for a favor. When I questioned him, he rattled off the time I left early to see the doctor because of a job-related injury, and the time he gave me the day off because I was sick, and I had to agree to come in the morning anyway. I wasn’t paid for the sick day, either. I once asked to attend a safety seminar, but he wouldn’t allow it. I told him those “favors” don’t count, but he was still angry.

Was I selfish not to let this guy use my bike? He makes more than three times what I make, and I do my job diligently and honestly. — Feeling Used

Dear Feeling: You were not wrong. Your boss was out of line to demand that you loan him your bike and then vaguely threaten you when you refused. Sometimes the best approach in these circumstances is to express your deep regret that you are unable to accommodate him (“I’m SO sorry that I can’t loan you my bike”), adding how awkward it would be if he accidentally damaged it. He might still have given you a hard time, but repeating a very polite refusal would likely have limited the threatening attitude. Nonetheless, your boss sounds like a difficult person who is now out to punish you. We’d suggest seeing what other jobs are out there.

Dear Annie: Your suggestions to “Noreen in Nebraska” about checking the photos and flowery phrases of online suitors were excellent. I have some other hints to spot someone too good to be true:

They are overeager. They jump to respond to your profile within hours of your first posting it, and re- spond to any communication within minutes.

They claim to live in your town or nearby, but are “working overseas for several months or years.”

Their spelling and grammar are incorrect for someone who claims to be native-born, and/or their communication doesn’t make a lot of sense. It usually means they are cutting and pasting phrases from other sources.

They provide a phone number, but they won’t call you first. Always verify the location of the area code before calling.

Most telling:

They will never directly answer any personal questions. If you ask about their favorite local restaurant, they’ll hedge.

I’m the voice of experience. I did meet my significant other on a dating site, but I had to sift through a lot of garbage first. — Learned My Lesson

Dear Learned: Thanks for the added tips. We hope our readers are cautious.

Dear Annie: I’m a 70-year-old woman, respectable, attractive, well-educated, retired and totally self-sufficient. I owe no one anything and ask for nothing.

The problem is my family. Although I have always treated them with kindness and respect, they are extremely disrespectful and spiteful to me. My narcissistic drama queen “victim” sister, who brags how “competitive” she is, sobbingly tells our relatives that I am “so mean” and that I have said derogatory things about her and her husband. This is completely untrue. I have never said such things. I don’t know exactly what she told them, but my relatives now barely speak to me.

My sister has a history of going behind people’s backs and making false accusations, but my extended family is unaware of this. She lied about poor treatment at her job and got several people fired. She is so manipulative and believable that no one ever questions the validity of her false accusations. Meanwhile, she looks like a helpless little victim, needing desperately to be rescued, as she is “only trying to do the right thing.”

What can I do to about this? — Senior Sister Scapegoat

Dear Scapegoat:

Very little. The more you protest, the more everyone will believe that you are bullying your poor, little sister. We are surprised, after all these years, that your family hasn’t caught on to her manipulations.

You can try sending a letter to other family members, explaining the situation and saying you regret that your sister has succeeded in alienating them from you. We guarantee you, however, that one of the things your sister most enjoys is your angry and frustrated reaction. So do your best to stop giving her the satisfaction. One of the hardest things to do is to train yourself not to care, but in this case, it’s worth it.

Dear Annie: In the past year, I have been invited to several large, informal dinner events. The host of the last event made two turkeys and all the fixings. She baked homemade pies and other desserts.

At the end of the dinner, several adults got up from the table, leaving their dirty paper plates and cups on the table, even though there was a trash can nearby. How do you educate adults to throw their plates and cups away after they are finished eating? — Ms. Etiquette Here

Dear Ms. Etiquette: At casual, informal dinners where food is served on paper plates, most folks will clean up after themselves because it is so easy to do. But some hosts prefer to do their own cleaning and would rather their guests enjoy themselves with conversation. If you think the host would appreciate your cleanup assistance, set an example by being the first one to toss her plate and cup, and feel free to suggest that others do the same.

Dear Annie: I have a solution for “Guilty By Accusation” and other families who have members on medication. I put all medications in a lock box. I dole out the medication and the key stays with me. That way no one is set up to fail and no one can accuse others or be accused of taking the drugs. — D.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies.