Young mom shares her story to help others
This week may skip along the calendar unnoticed for many people; maybe a birthday or an anniversary of some sort. For Abbie Murray, it is an important one to remember. Oct.1-7 is Mental Illness Awareness Week. In an effort to foster a greater understanding of mental illness and reduce the associated stigma, Murray offered to share her personal story.
Murray was born in Bury, attended Galt, went on to complete the accounting and secretarial program at the Vocational Training Centre and got a job she enjoys. Murray has a husband (practically, the official wedding is coming soon) and two children. She also lives with a mental illness. “I was hospitalized for six weeks in 2015 for a mental health crisis,” Murray said candidly.
“The stigma is worse than the illness,” she said, adding that a lot of people stigmatize themselves which makes them less likely to seek help. She credited the work done by celebrities like Clara Hughes and the Bell Let’s Talk campaign with raising awareness, but notes that most of society simply doesn’t understand mental illness. “It’s such a huge spectrum.” “I think people lack the knowledge about resources,” Murray said.
“When I was sick, I didn’t know why I was sick,” she said, pointing out that she had a beautiful house, a husband she loved and two beautiful children, one of whom was just a few months old.
In Murray’s case, it was a combination of challenging events within her family that collided within a very small time frame that overwhelmed her. Both of her children were sick, there was a death in the family and her mother was hospitalized, to name a few.
“It was too much for me to handle,” Murray commented. She began to panic. “Even when they were healthy, I thought my kids were sick. I couldn’t eat or sleep,” she said, consumed with worry, often prompting panic attacks.
“It sounds irrational, and it completely is. It’s like the mom part of me was broken,” she said.
When her maternity leave ended, Murray returned to work and noticed that when she was away from home she felt better. “I started avoiding them,” she said. “I kept saying there’s something wrong,” Murray said, but the common reply was, “Oh, you’re just tired.”
Murray added that at the peak of her crisis, after not having eaten or slept in days, she got compliments about her weight loss - people around her unaware of what was happening on the inside.
It was just after Thanksgiving in 2015 when Murray was completely unable to sleep. She drove to her mother’s house in the middle of the night hoping a change of location would allow her to rest, but she felt the same. She returned home and shortly after drove herself to the emergency room.
Luckily, she bumped into a friend at the hospital who stayed with her while she waited to see the emergency room psychiatrist.
Her initial diagnosis was a major depression and admittance for 10 days was recommended.
“I ended up lying in the hospital for six weeks,” Murray said, later receiving a more detailed diagnosis of adjustment disorder.
“It’s not easy to accept that you have a mental illness,” she admitted.
“It’s not my fault; nobody should feel ashamed. The more you hide it, the worse it can get,” Murray said. “No one can help you but yourself.” While in the hospital, her husband went to visit every day, but she received few other visitors.
“I think people don’t know what to do. They think you don’t want to be seen,” she said. “When I was the loved one, I didn’t know what to say,” she said, referring to another family member who had also had a mental health crisis.
Murray said her hospital stay wasn’t about just catching up on her sleep.
“The hospital is not the place you go when you’re tired,” she said.
“You’re stripped of everything,” Murray explained; no phone, not social media access, no television.
“You’re left with your own thoughts at the worst possible time. You have to deal with the problem.”
She saw a psychiatrist every day, and also participated in group sessions. There was a pool and gym available, and a wellness person to walk with her regularly.
“The physical and mental states are so closely linked,” Murray said.
Murray was also prescribed medication, but she pointed out that is not necessarily the case for everyone.
She was eligible for weekend passes, but Murray said every time she tried, she ended up driving herself back to the hospital.
“I couldn’t hold my daughter; I couldn’t sleep. You start feeling like a burden,” she said, opting to remain at the hospital until she felt fully ready to be home.
“On my first day back, my energy level was very low,” she said. “It takes time.” Murray said it was around two months before she was fully reintegrated into her life.
“I was terrified to go back to work; Oh my God, what are people going to think?” she said, adding that ultimately, what other people think shouldn’t matter.
“You know you’re not crazy, you just needed to get help.”
When asked, based on her experience, it there were any warning signs people should look out for, Murray replied, “If you don’t enjoy doing things you used to love to do; if you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning,” as examples to consider.
“I’ve always had anxiety and depression,” Murray explained. “When I was younger, I didn’t hear anything about it,” she said. Murray was simply dubbed ‘the sensitive one’ who cried easily and was often picked on for it.
When asked if she is worried about another mental health crisis in the future, Murray said that while in the hospital, she was asked to take notes that she could revisit and reflect on if needed. She also uses tools she was given while in therapy to stay healthy, both physically and mentally. “I used to make fun of people who meditate. Now I meditate all the time,” she said.
“There’s so much stress in life,” Murray said. Things like listening to the news before bed has been cut out of her routine. “There’s no pleasant news.”
“It’s important to take time for yourself. It’s not being selfish,” she said. “If we can’t be healthy, we can’t take care of them (family).” Murray added that it’s ok to not be ok. “People do give up, that’s the problem,” she said. According to Murray issues like depression and anxiety tend to be downplayed because there are often no physical symptoms.
“People say it’s not going to kill you,” she said, but in fact it can.
While she never felt suicidal, Murray said at the height of her illness, she did think seriously about driving away to avoid all of her stress.
“It takes a lot of patience and compassion,” Murray said, to help people with a mental illness. She added that people don’t need to fully understand what’s going on, should be accepting of people who have enough courage to come forward and say they need help.