Rethinking sleepovers

Dear Annie

TUESDAY, JANUARY 16, 2018

Dear Annie: I have a situation at my home that I really don’t know how to deal with.

We have a blended family, with an 18year-old daughter and two boys.

My stepdaughter is a senior in high school and just let her mother know she likes girls, even though she has a boyfriend.

We would never let any boys spend the night at our house, but she has had her girlfriends over four or five nights a week at times.

With this new knowledge, what do we do?

We certainly wouldn’t condone sex with either gender, and we have made that clear to her. Certainly, it comes down to trust, but what about the overnight situations now with her girlfriends? — Unsure Parents

Dear Unsure Parents: Seeing as your stepdaughter is 18, she is mature enough to listen to you. Make clear that she is still allowed to have occasional sleepovers — as in once or twice a month, not four or five nights a week — but there is to be nothing sexual happening under your roof between her and her boyfriend or anyone else. As with any privilege that you give to your children, it’s all about trust.

Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from “Weird, Stupid or Selfish?” — whose husband eats all the decorative candy she puts out. His inability to resist sugar resonated with me, as I have sugar sensitivity and have engaged in exactly the same behaviors. I simply could not resist sugar.

After years of struggling and dieting and sitting in work meetings obsessing about the doughnuts instead of the topic at hand, I discovered the book “Potatoes Not Prozac,” by Kathleen Desmaisons. Her theory is that people who are sugar-sensitive have brains that respond differently to sugar, alcohol and refined carbs and that what they eat and when they eat it have a huge effect on them. She shows how to rebalance blood sugar levels, serotonin and beta-endorphins through small lifestyle changes and offers the latest research, free online support and seven steps to change your life. It is not about willpower; it’s about biochemistry, which her program can slowly improve, just one tiny step at a time, with amazing results.

I have been sugar-free for six years now, lost 25 pounds and never gained any of it back. I can go to dinner with family and don’t even think twice when someone orders dessert. I don’t have cravings, and sugar is no longer on my radar. I am more focused and more tolerant, and the daily mood swings are gone. The woman who wrote to you could suggest to her husband that he check out https://radiantrecovery.com to see whether he does have sugar sensitivity. At the very least, she would be better informed about this condition. — Happy Without Sugar

Dear Happy Without Sugar: I hadn’t considered that health issues might explain her husband’s behavior. In fact, I hadn’t even heard of sugar sensitivity. Thanks for opening my eyes to the condition. I’d like to encourage all readers to talk to their doctors if they find themselves compulsively eating sugary snacks.

Dear Annie: I’ve got some trouble on the friend front. My friend “Alex” and I have been best friends since high school. She’s the sweetest, and I love her dearly. We’ve been through so much together. Over the years, I’ve met some of her friends from other circles. After numerous birthday parties, nights on the town and weekend brunches with them, I’ve safely deduced that “Chantal” and “Kate” and I will just never get along. We’d probably never even be acquaintances if not for Alex.

Chantal is obnoxious and has this air about her that everyone else around her is lesser. And Kate just seems shallow and ungenuine. A perfect example: We recently met up for dinner, and Kate mentioned we had been invited to a party. Alex asked, “So how well do you know these guys? I’ve never really heard you talk about them.” Kate said, “Well, I don’t. They’re kind of boring, actually. But they usually have good beer and hot guys at their parties, so why not go?” Are you kidding? Really mature. We’re 25 years old. But the worst part? Alex said, “Oh, gotcha. We could check it out.”

I would never surround myself around these kinds of people; in fact, I’ve let distance grow between other childhood friends who act like this. But what do I do with regard to Alex? It bums me out to see this other side of her. She’s not like this at all when we’re alone or with other friends or our families. Do I tell her I don’t want to be involved in social situations if Chantal and Kate will be there? Do I just keep to myself and find excuses? — Murky Waters

Dear Murky: Perhaps Alex has a few different sides to her personality. Sometimes she may enjoy being a little frivolous and going out to parties with these new girlfriends. Other times she may love nothing more than sitting down with you for a cup of coffee and a discussion on life. That doesn’t make her duplicitous; it just makes her human.

Alex needs to be free to explore these different parts of her identity. If you criticized her new friends, it would only stifle this process of self-discovery (and drive a wedge between you two). So you can either avoid Chantal and Kate and just spend time with Alex one-on-one or, better yet, loosen up, be less judgmental and try to see the good that Alex sees in these women.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to: dearannie@creators.com.