Daugh­ter doesn’t ap­prove of Mom’s new re­la­tion­ship Dear An­nie

Sherbrooke Record - - LOCAL SPORTS -

FRIDAY, APRIL 13, 2018

Dear An­nie: I am a 50-year-old woman. I have two adult chil­dren and two grand­chil­dren. I am a re­cov­er­ing ad­dict. My daugh­ter chose to stay with me dur­ing all those painful years. Now, af­ter many years alone, I fi­nally met some­one who loves me, and I love her — yes, “her.” My part­ner is a woman. “Sally” and I have been liv­ing to­gether for al­most three years. I moved out of state a year ago to be with her.

Here is my is­sue: My son is OK with my re­la­tion­ship — and is re­spect­ful and kind — but my daugh­ter is a whole dif­fer­ent story. She is not happy with my de­ci­sion to be with an­other woman. She and Sally have had ar­gu­ments, and I am tired of be­ing put in the mid­dle. They curse and say very harm­ful things to each other. I have spo­ken with Sally about this and asked her nicely to stop get­ting up­set and say­ing th­ese hurt­ful things. I’ve asked the same of my daugh­ter. They ig­nore my re­quests and con­tinue to not like each other and to treat each other with dis­re­spect.

I re­ally don’t know what to do. My daugh­ter doesn’t want me to even talk about my re­la­tion­ship to her or around the grand­kids. She wants me to pre­tend Sally doesn’t ex­ist. What can I do? — Stuck in the Mid­dle

Dear Stuck in the Mid­dle: It’s un­fair of your daugh­ter to not give your part­ner a chance. Maybe she is hav­ing a hard time ac­cept­ing your new re­la­tion­ship be­cause it’s with an­other woman and that doesn’t fit with the image of who she be­lieves you should be — in which case, she should ad­just her picture. Or maybe this is a mat­ter of over­pro­tec­tive­ness and would hap­pen even if you were see­ing a man. It’s prob­a­bly a bit of both.

And then there’s Sally. You should al­ways strive for a good re­la­tion­ship with your part­ner’s fam­ily. If a good re­la­tion­ship isn’t pos­si­ble, then you should at least go for a po­lite one. If even that’s not pos­si­ble, then it be­comes about find­ing some sort of peace with that. What you ab­so­lutely should not do is scream and curse at your part­ner’s fam­ily mem­bers. Sally might ra­tio­nal­ize it as her de­fend­ing you, but re­ally she’s just mak­ing your life harder. Ask her to go to cou­ples coun­sel­ing so you can find sus­tain­able ways of cop­ing with the stress you face as a cou­ple.

Dear An­nie: Please tell your read­ers about the im­por­tance of hav­ing an op­ti­mal level of vi­ta­min D. The ma­jor­ity of doc­tors do not in­clude the test for D in routine labs, es­pe­cially for those who are younger than 65 and have not had a prob­lem bone scan.

Vi­ta­min D is ac­tu­ally a hor­mone, and it is found in ev­ery cell in the body. It is be­lieved that a large part of the pop­u­la­tion is low in D. The rea­sons may not be known, but it is true that for many, just get­ting lots of sun does not en­sure an ad­e­quate level. A low vi­ta­min D level is of­ten found in peo­ple hav­ing de­men­tia, fi­bromyal­gia, acne, de­pres­sion, ADHD and many other mal­adies and dis­eases. Whether a de­fi­ciency in D is the cause or not is not known, but it is re­ported that the im­mune sys­tem im­proves with in­creased amounts of D.

Learn your D level and the level of your chil­dren. It is an easy and in­ex­pen­sive way to pos­si­bly im­prove your health and maybe de­crease your risk of fu­ture health is­sues. — L

Dear L: Al­ways good to have a re­minder to take one’s vi­ta­mins (in ap­pro­pri­ate doses).

You’re right that there are many health risks as­so­ci­ated with vi­ta­min D. Ac­cord­ing to the Na­tional In­sti­tutes of Health, bones can be­come thin or mis­shapen with­out suf­fi­cient amounts of vi­ta­min D. For more in­for­ma­tion, see the NIH fact sheets (https://ods.od.nih.gov) and talk to your doc­tor.

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