Can you Ikea?

Ihave a love-hate relationship with Ikea and can sit for hours reading their huge catalog. Yet, when I enter the store I have to walk miles through areas I have no interest in. But, as I stroll casually through their maze admiring this and that, I purchase yet another box of tea lights for my home.

I must argue with the person who wrote that anyone who cannot assemble something from Ikea should go back to kindergarten. When no text is used in assembly instructions this should be the first warning that the bed you just bought that morning is not going to be slept in that night. I am sure whoever else is assembling the same product in another part of the world like Thailand is having the same dilemma. I swear they throw in extra parts just to mess with you. Exactly what is that little illustrated Swedish man in the instructions pointing at?

You might remember the episode of "The Big Bang Theory" where the cast was assembling Penny’s Swedish made bed. Even the rocket scientists could not find the location of the holes, nor could they figure out the difference between the top and the bottom. I believe they said the directions were like “an impressionist painting”. What you initially see - even with help from that free Allen wrench is not what it actually ends up looking like. Is time and insanity worth the cheaper price?

Ikea sells millions of products online, of which 9,209 items are now being resold on Kijiji. Half are dresser drawers that are missing knobs which have long fallen off and been lost. Yet when a new store opens a special freeway ramp must be built to handle the huge hipster traffic. They come to host dinner parties at the store featuring Ikea’s word famous meatballs with a side of Lingonberry jam. Then it’s off to the living room displays to play Pictionary while pretending to watch Ikea Heights on a faux television.

Ikea also started making homes in Europe in 1996 called “Boklok”. It was a move to allow first-time home buyers to have a chance at a cheaper place to live. Where does it end? The first assembly instruction for all Ikea products should be: please open one Beer to begin.