When a second parent dies

The definition of the word orphan is, “a child whose parents are dead.” The word child is a bit bewildering to me in the sense that child indicates the age being a minor.

If someone is an adult when their parents both pass away, are they not considered orphans anymore? At what point is the definition no longer valid. Perhaps at an older age, we are just supposed to accept the loss with the knowledge that death is a part of life. Could it be a cold reality, or is it just that our innocence of when we were children has also departed. As we age, there is a different perspective on life and we may become more cynical when it comes to life in general, with the sentiment that things just happen.

After the loss of a first parent whether it be by accident, or an illness, if we are lucky we can still lean on the remaining parent. Memories of that parent can still be shared with the other, as they understand and feel that memory. With the loss of a second parent, in my point of view, a bond that was not severed but slightly fractured, is broken and no glue can bring it back to life. Just who do you turn to at that point? Who helps you to get past the extreme pain that only a parent can help heal.

It is unfortunate at the young age of a child, we don’t understand what we actually have in our lives. The expression ‘If I knew then what I know now,’ is all too true. And too many us of think we will always have tomorrow, but tomorrow never seems to come. But life goes on, and we heal, and we move on, as orphans. I still find the word peculiar, being a parent myself now, how can I be an orphan, but the fact is, I am.

Although I was not the perfect child, (whose is really), both of my parents loved me unconditionally. Perhaps they wished better for their child, and were sad to see their child in need, but were always there with encouraging words, or a shoulder to cry on (or perhaps a kick in the pants to smarten up). But I always knew that I could go to them to seek advice on what seemed like a mountain to climb in my life, to find out that it was simply a mole hill. Parents are good at that, and hopefully this trait has been passed on to me to help my children in their lives.

I am lucky to have had a unique connection with each of my parents. With my father, he was always a cardinal lover (the bird). Ironically, there is a saying that when you see a cardinal, it is someone from heaven that is visiting. Because of that, the cardinal has very special meaning to me, so much so I have a cardinal tattoo on my ankle, in which I carry my dad with me each and every day.

With my mum, it is the cameo, especially the black and white ones. The cameo to me is a strong precious stone, one that withstands time and is classic, just like my mum was. She was my rock, precious and strong.

So with those two symbolic connections, my parents live on forever, with reminders of them surrounding my home and life.

Each day is hard, not being able to pick up the phone and share a thought or a moment, but with the faith that I have, I know they are in a better place. Although not present in body, they are forever in my heart.

Life is to be lived and enjoyed, and happily both of my parents did just that. Now it is time for me to do the same.

Forever the examples, and never forgotten.