Therapist recommends unfamiliar treatment

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2018

Dear Annie: A therapist recommended that I try EMDR in order to process past traumas. It sounds intriguing and fancy, but I don’t really understand what it involves. Could you explain what EMDR is and how it works? I’m uninformed and skeptical. — Curious but Confused

Dear Curious but Confused: EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. Francine Shapiro developed the form of psychotherapy in the late 1980s. It involves asking individuals to recall traumatic events while giving themselves some sensory input — such as crossing their arms and tapping their shoulders or looking from side to side. It’s often recommended for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder. According to the American Psychological Association, EMDR “is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotion associated with the trauma memories.” There is some controversy regarding the treatment’s efficacy over other methods of psychotherapy. Don’t be shy about asking your therapist for more information. It is your right to understand modalities of treatment before trying them out, and it’s your therapist’s job to inform you.

Dear Annie: Years ago, Ann Landers had a column about hate. I’m sorry to say I lost the paper.

It was about how when you hate other people, it’s you hating yourself.

I’ve always said that if you like yourself, then you can like other people. I always accept people the way they are. We do not think the same way or like the same things all the time.

I hope you can find the column. — C.L.L., Canfield, Ohio

Dear C.L.L.: I believe you’re referring to “Rules for Being Human,” a piece of unknown origin that Ann Landers printed several times. It contains some real gems, such as the passage you mentioned about hate, and it’s my pleasure to reprint it.

Rules for Being Human

You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for as long as you live. How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life.

You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time school called Life. Each day, you will be presented with opportunities to learn what you need to know. The lessons presented are often different from those you THINK you need.

There are no mistakes — only lessons.

A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change in your attitude and behavior), then you can go on to the next lesson.

Learning lessons does not end. There is no stage of life that does not contain some lessons. As long as you live, there will be something more to learn.

“There” is no better than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here,” you will obtain another “there” that will again look better than your “here.” Don’t be fooled by believing that the unattainable is better than what you have.

Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself why you feel so strongly.

The answers are within you. The solutions to all of life’s problems are within your grasp. All you need to do is ask, look, listen and trust.

You will forget all this. Unless you consistently stay focused on the goals you have set for yourself, everything you’ve just read won’t mean a thing.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

Your Birthday WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2018

Keep your connections to the past open. Touch base with people who inspire you to be and do your best. Don’t feel that you must keep up with a fast crowd. Be true to yourself and to the people you love and care about most.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Your charm will help you bypass someone who is trying to bully you into doing something you don’t want to do. Spend less and avoid debt.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Don’t leave anything to chance: If someone wants to make a last-minute change, be prepared to counter with a better plan. Take control and keep things simple as you move forward.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — An emotional plea will be heard and dealt with appropriately. The changes you bring about will make a difference to someone you care about. Don’t let someone’s rhetoric faze you.

PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20) — Don’t share personal information with someone you don’t know well. Pay closer attention to what you eat and drink. Health issues will arise if you let yourself get run-down.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) — Don’t divulge a secret prematurely. Make personal changes that will allow you more options to travel, learn or change direction next year. Check out your options and start the ball rolling.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) — Plan a trip or make arrangements for the festive season. Getting together with your peers will give you greater insight into the people you work alongside. Romance is on the rise.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) — Think big, but stay within your budget. Use your imagination to come up with a surprise that will thrill a loved one. An emotional issue can be resolved.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) — You will know what’s best for you, and you shouldn’t let anyone convince you to deviate from your plans. A personal change will do you good and boost your confidence.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) — It’s up to you to bring about change. Consider what you’d like to see transpire and make it happen. Doing a little shopping or getting together with friends is encouraged.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Visit someone you find supportive. Spending time with someone with more experience will help you view personal situations clearly. Personal relationships will require time and patience.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Plan outings, do things with youngsters or get together with a close friend or sibling. Don’t let personal changes cause concern. Make the best out of whatever options you are given.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — You’ll get an interesting idea that will surprise a loved one. A personal change will do you good and help you make plans that will improve your lifestyle.