Love and friendship, come what may
make a speech.
Me!
How did I, the speech queen, the getpast-the-stage-fright-and-just-step-up-tothe-microphone friend not make a speech .... when one of my best friends in the world got married?
It just sort of happened.
I was taking their photos, I had cut his mother's hair the night before and styled it the day of, I had done another friend's hair and gotten my own act together, I had already done five of what would be eight hours of wedding-related driving that weekend, so I know I was doing things .... but I should have said something.
I needed to say that being married and having a family are topics I am sure came up in conversation the day we met, at Champlain College in theatre class in the fall of 1993. My Dad had just died, I was floundering all over the place in every way - he was accepting of that, amnd understanding beyond belief. He was clearly one of the kindest people I had ever met, but he had a punky, messy sense of humour like mine. He was the most loyal friend to all of his friends, and he was figuring out his way mostly on his own.
He was an incredibly gifted singer - I would see him in the Alexander Galt production of The Sound of Music, and then in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat in Knowlton, he would later move to Montreal, branching off from everything that was Townships familiar for us, and participate in shows at the Segal Centre, even learning Yiddish to do so, and toured around Europe performing with the theatre.
We were roommates for a brief time, both in transition and navigating our own relationships. There was a lot of singing involved. Mostly him singing every song from the beautiful musical film Moulin Rouge that was released that year. He had already seen it four times in the theatre by the time I finally made it, and I had already learned most of the lyrics thanks to him.
His life was a little fly-by-the-seat-ofhis-pants in some ways, but he managed to survive. He moved to Montreal, ready to carve out a different existence from our Townships origins. Time lapsed at one point and for several years we only sort of connected now and then. I understand now that part of that was a growing space, trying to sort out who he was. I was struggling through early motherhood and my own bits and pieces (and chunks and icebergs) of chaos.
With social media, there was a reconnect.
We met up in Montreal and the visit was so good for our souls - it was just the same perfect storm of friendship. He was just as kind and funny, and now things in his professional life were starting to fall into place. As I navigated more change in my life, he became more present. We always knew how to listen to each other, how to help the other consider different angles of a situation, and also felt deeply protective of one another.
We began making a point of visiting one another more, dragging other friends into the picture, forming a bit of a motley crew of folk on some sort of fringe.
We talked each other through relationship issues, from excitement and attraction to sadness, betrayal and break-ups. Then, in 2011, within a few weeks of each other, we both met fellows that we are both still respectively 'with'.
I was so taken with how he and his boyfriend balanced one another out. They supported one another tremendously, they debated and sorted everything that came their way. They bought a condo in the city, and then adopted a dog, then bought a house and adopted a second dog. His partner became like a brother-in-law, I felt like an auntie to their (rather large) puppies.
We continue to share just about every single bit of news that comes our respective ways. Nothing seems too insignificant. As for the big things in life, he's been responsible for more rescues and celebrations than I can count.
His partner made a beautiful speech about him at their wedding in St-jean this weekend, detailing the elements of stability, happiness, loyalty and permanence that my always kind, always loving and thoughtful friend had brought into his life.
He said that he himself had always been a logical, pragmatic person, but that he really didn't know how to be happy .... and that my friend had shown him that.
In my case, my friend taught me how our very best friends can become the loves of our lives, removing all pressure from anyone romantically involved with us. My cluster of best friends became just that to me, him included. How freeing that is - it resets and restores our sense of being and belonging in the world. It's another precious kind of forever.
Watching him and his husband celebrate their wedding day this past weekend, after eight years of life together, was a beautiful, unforgettable thing.
Their wedding cake spoke volumes. On the top of three layers, sat two little men made of fondant, one in a yellow suit and the other in blue (their favourite colours) atop a small green (the combination of yellow and blue) airplane. They each held little silver microphones .... beside my friend's blue-suited fellow was a tiny Starbucks coffee cup and beside his husband's, an encyclopedia, indicative of his thirst for knowledge.
Along the sides, actual photos of them had been magically transformed into edible travel art - of their many trips around the globe, and each layer was surrounded with tiny fondant luggage.
Clearly, my friend has found his companion to travel through life and love with, and as usual, he fed us with that sweet experience, always generous, always enthusiastic to share in life's bounty.
Wedding days always seem to build, mount and grow in excitement, and then speed straight past in a flurry of details. But the smiles, the looks, the love remains.
Thank you, Brad, for always being there for your friends - I know we all feel the same way. Thank you René, for seeing what we see and more, in this powerhouse of loving kindness. Some things in life feel like they just sort of happen .... and sometimes love is like that too. But the work that goes into truly building a life together is a different story. You are both made of that stuff. Congratulations - everyone around you looks forward to what is to come.