Sherbrooke Record

Bailing out is a short-term solution

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WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2019

Dear Annie: I would like to tell “Distressed About Departing Dependent” to think about how she can best parent her adult child before caving and giving her money. At age 19, I married a man who spent any money we had and more. My parents didn’t want to support his spending habits so they cut off any funds to me while they continued to bailout my brothers financiall­y.

I was angry at my parents for a while but got over it. Meanwhile, my brothers didn’t grow up until the funds dried up many years later, when they were in middle age. I’m very grateful my parents were tough with me. I told my children I wasn’t going to ruin them by bailing them out. It was hard to stick to my guns sometimes. As an adult, my son has expressed his appreciati­on for bringing him up this way.

If you can stick to this, it helps your child become a responsibl­e, independen­t individual. You may have to go through a period when she is unhappy about it, but she may be grateful later on. — Tried To Be a Good Parent

Dear Tried To Be a Good Parent: I am here to tell you that you succeeded in being a good parent because you tried. Trying is the same as caring; when you care about parenting and the job you are doing, you are more than halfway there. Raising a healthy, responsibl­e and independen­t individual might be hard work at the time, but if you stay the course and stand by your values, it will pay off in the long run.

Dear Annie: I have lived with a mental illness for the past 12 years. I take my meds as prescribed and, for the most part, they keep me stable. I live with my mom and two sisters, but my mom is my main support system. I feel overwhelme­d by financial troubles and the fact that we’re all getting older and having health issues.

Sometimes, I want to move away because my situation is so stressful. But I don’t want to run away from my problems or leave anyone behind.

My mom is getting older and we work as a team to take care of the house and bills. I feel like if I leave, then my mom will have nobody to talk to and may lose her house. We get along really well and are like best friends, but sometimes I feel irritated by her and my sisters — even to the point of packing my bags and leaving. What should I do? — Concerned Brother and Son

Dear Concerned Brother and Son: First of all, I congratula­te you for being an advocate for your mental health and taking your meds. Treating your mental illness should remain your first priority. It sounds like there is a great deal of positivity in your home, despite the stressors. Feeling irritated by your mom and sisters is understand­able. Try not to let things build up, and always address things that bother you about how your sisters or mother are behaving. Let them do the same with you. Continue to focus on your strong support system and how well you all get along together. A loving family is a beautiful thing, and it sounds like you have one.

Dear Annie: Several years ago I became the CEO of a company with employees who work hard and provide excellent service at fair prices every day. I am very proud of what we do. After more than 40 years of working for this same company, I still look forward to going to the office every day. Our prospects, I believe, are bright.

So what’s the problem? Before I became CEO, I had good friends at work. But now that I am “the boss,” people treat me differentl­y. I hate that. It is especially bad with one person. I always liked working with her. She is bright, energetic, creative and excellent at everything she does. But now that I am CEO she argues with me about everything. I don’t think I’ve made any decision yet that she has liked.

Part of it, I believe, is that she regards herself as the spokespers­on for all our women employees. I think she might be afraid she will lose credibilit­y with them if she is ever seen to be in agreement with me on anything. To be clear, she has made some great points and been very helpful to our company in drawing attention to issues of gender equality. And we’ve been responsive, although never enough to satisfy her. I’ve accepted the fact that she and I will never entirely agree on all the changes she wants us to make.

But why does she have to be so negative about everything I do? I miss my friend. She has become instead this great thorn in my side. Now instead of seeking her out for her advice like I once did, I find myself avoiding her and dreading her visits to my office.

Is there any hope things can go back to the way they were? — Dealing with a Thorn in My Side

Dear Dealing with a Thorn in My Side: Once you became CEO, you should have known that things would not go back to the way they were. It is lonely at the top. While your former friend made some great suggestion­s for change at the company, it appears that she cannot accept the fact that you are the CEO now. It’s sad that your friendship is not the same as it once was, but because of your promotion, it never will be the same.

Sometimes, when looking back, we see things as better than they actually were. The fact that she has become this argumentat­ive since your promotion is not helpful for anyone — for you, for her, for your employees. You need loyal people at your side. Challengin­g authority is fine and can often be constructi­ve, but when you dread the person visiting your office, that is not a sign of a valued friend or employee.

Appreciate her good qualities and her well-thoughtout suggestion­s, but insist that if she persists in disagreein­g with everything you do, she will no longer be an employee of the company. Successful CEOS are friendly to everyone at work, but they look for true friendship­s outside the office.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspu­blishing.com for more informatio­n.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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