Dear Annie

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2020

Dear Annie: I have been talking with this gentleman for almost four years; we’ve been in a long-distance relationship online. He claims that he mailed me a large sum of money, and so he has nothing now. But I have not seen this box full of money that he supposedly sent. He keeps saying that it has to clear customs, and they need a large fee in order for it to go through. I don’t think that customs would be demanding large sums of money, and, anyway, it’s been months and months now. I told him if the box did not come within the 48 hours like he said that he and I were through. I am afraid it is fraud. What is your take on this? -- Losing My Lover

Dear Losing My Lover: I’m afraid you’re right. This is textbook fraud. He’s trying to play you for a fool. Don’t let him.

Dear Annie: I have been seeing this guy, “Roy,” for a year and a half. When we are together, all he wants to do is hook up. He comes to my house all the time, but he never invites me to his. I actually still have no idea where he lives: I know the vicinity, but no specifics. He says he wants to keep some parts of his life private. And he only calls and talks to me on the phone when he is heading to or from work, but never when he’s at home. He tells me he loves me, but I’m not buying it. What do you think? -- Help Me

Dear Help Me: I think that there’s a 99% chance he’s married and a 100% chance he’s not worth your time. End it ASAP. Breaking things off is rarely easy, but I guarantee that you will not regret this in the long term.

Dear Annie: The holidays are here and gifts are arriving. Once again, we’re getting boxes of chocolates, tins of mixed nuts, gourmet cheeses, fancy cookies and pastries. My husband and I eat a healthy diet, get regular exercise and are allergic to nuts and dairy. We’ve explained to people that these foods make us extremely sick and can even be life-threatening but still the same gifts come year after year. Their attitude seems to be: “Hey, it’s Christmas, for Pete’s sake. Lighten up and just enjoy. A little won’t hurt you.” So, I write a note, thanking them for thinking of us and wishing them a happy holiday, and then donate everything to the local food bank and homeless shelter. If you or your readers have suggestions on other ways to handle this, we would appreciate hearing them. -- You Really Shouldn’t Have

Dear You Really Shouldn’t Have: Sorry to disappoint, but I have no real advice here. You’re already doing exactly what I’d suggest. As frustrating as these types of gifts might be for you and your husband, remember that there are many people who would be happy to receive any gifts at all.

Dear Annie: “Sincerely Confused” was concerned about the dogs that had attacked a couple of years ago. As a result, he or she said they “probably haven’t walked more than 15 feet outside (their) yard. “

If walking helped clear this person’s mind, then it would be worthwhile for them to get in the car and go to a place where they feel safe to walk. That would definitely help, in conjunction with the therapy and the study. Walking is therapeutic, it should not be replaced, just supplemented. -- Lynne, Avid Walker

Dear Lynne: You are absolutely right. Walking regularly has all kinds of benefits, both mental and physical, including increased longevity and a reduced risk of arthritis.

Dear Annie: Years ago, I read the toilet seat debate in the Ann Landers column. It featured women upset about men leaving the toilet seat up after use and men defensive about it.

My wife and I were married for 45 and a half years, and she never complained about it, but I thought if such a simple thing might make her more pleased then why not do it. So, I always made sure to put the seat down when I was done using the bathroom. She died a little over a year ago, and I still put the seat down. -- Caring in Spokane

Dear Caring: I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure your thoughtfulness was something your wife loved about you. At a time when many couples have been cooped up together for months, your letter is a reminder to be kind to each other in every way we can, while we can.

Dear Annie: I’ve been in this relationship with a guy for four years. I think I can count on both hands how many times he’s said he loves me. I’ve always questioned his love for me. He barely touches me. If I touch him, he jumps away from me, but when he’s ready to be affectionate, I’m always available to him. The last time we were intimate was many months ago.

Another thing that concerns me: Whenever we have conflict, he always threatens to leave. I told him that I don’t appreciate the threats and that I would never ask a partner to leave unless I actually wanted him to go.

The last time he threatened to leave, I told him to leave and that I would help him pack. So far, he’s stopped with the threats since then.

I’m 49 years old, and I just can’t see myself wasting another year with this type of relationship. It’s hard and depressing, especially during the pandemic. I feel like he’s a manipulator and needs to go. What should I do? -Feeling Unloved

Dear Feeling Unloved: I don’t think that you need me to tell you what to do. You’re just having trouble actually doing it. My advice: Stop thinking of the last four years as a waste. Far from helping you gin up the courage to leave, that mindset may actually paralyze you into staying. Instead, consider that the relationship offered valuable lessons and growth (and, hopefully, some happy memories), but it’s no longer serving you. The sooner you end this, the sooner you’ll be onward and upward.

Dear Annie: The letter from “CRC Survivor,” who only found out he had colon cancer when he went to donate blood, brings up two great points: The first is the importance of donating blood on a regular basis, since blood is always in short supply; the second is the value of routine colonoscopy, since colon cancer can be completely silent, I remember Katie Couric promoting it after her husband died at a young age from colon cancer. I hope that your readers follow your advice. -- Haridas

Dear Haridas: The American Red Cross is in critical need of blood and plasma donations right now -- particularly from COVID-19 survivors, whose plasma can help people fighting COVID-19 now. You can go to https:// www.redcrossblood.org to sign up for an appointment.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book -- featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane

to dearannie@creators.com.