Dear Annie

FRIDAY, APRIL 9, 2021 Dear Annie:

I am 57 years old and autistic. Due to my inability to read people and my own bad choices, I am the single mother of three adult children, whom I love and am indescribably proud of. But I have never been loved. As a child, I was sexually abused by my father for years. A teacher sexually assaulted me in high school.

I’m terrified of male doctors. But two years ago, I started having to go to a doctor regularly to get injections in my eyes. If any other man even got that close to me, I’d go through the roof. But this man can get up in my face with a hypodermic and poke a hole in my eye, and, somehow, I’m fine. In fact, I feel safe around him. I have had nightmares on a couple of occasions and found that I changed the dream to imagine I was lying next to this doctor with my head on his shoulder, and I wasn’t afraid anymore. Why can’t I find a man like this? And are autistic people like me allowed to be loved? -- When Will I Be Loved

Dear WWIBL: I’m so sorry that people who should have protected you instead hurt you. That should never happen to anyone. None of it was your fault.

It makes sense that you would find yourself attached to this doctor, an authority figure with a gentle manner. You’ve been vulnerable with him, and he has validated that trust. It’s just the opposite of what you got growing up. But the healing that you seek won’t come from any man, no matter how caring he is. It will come from you, working through the severe trauma you’ve been carrying for decades, with the help of trained specialists.

There are several resources I’d encourage you to make use of. The first is the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network hotline at 1-800-656-4673, which can connect you with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. I also urge you to find a counselor, preferably one who specializes in trauma and/or serving clients who have autism. Find one by asking your primary care doctor or calling the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-4357. (SAMHSA can also provide referrals to support groups and community-based organizations.)

You may also be interested in the book “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, a psychiatrist and researcher who has decades of experience helping patients recognize, cope with and recover from posttraumatic stress disorder. Lastly, you’re not just allowed to be loved; you are loved. You’ve raised three children who, no doubt, care a great deal for you.

Dear Annie: I’m a 39-year-old woman who wears full-mouth dentures. I’m insecure and feel as though I’ll never find someone who would want to be with me because of them. I’m currently in a toxic relationship and stay in it because of the fact I wear dentures. How do I overcome these insecurities and find someone who wants to be with me? -- Scared to Smile

Dear Scared: For what it’s worth, dentures are usually only obvious to the person who’s wearing them. But you’re not alone in your feelings -- many who have dental implants report feeling self-conscious. I encourage you to connect with some of them at community. dentureliving.com.

And you must break up with your current partner. Building up your self-esteem will be hard, if not impossible, while in a toxic relationship. You can and will find someone who truly values you as a person inside and out, who makes you smile with no reservations. It will have been worth the wait.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book -- featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing. com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to

dearannie@creators.com.

SATURDAY, April 10, 2021

There is no time to waste. Preparation is paramount, and executing your plans with finesse will be vital. Be honest, ethical and transparent. Your ability to get things done will help you gain support and respect. Love and romance are featured.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) -- Keep moving forward. Explain your intentions and long-term plans to someone you love, and together you’ll find a way to make your dreams come true. Make your surroundings more comfortable.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) -- Stay focused on what you are trying to accomplish. A disciplined attitude will lead to new opportunities. Take care of fundamentals. Don’t doubt yourself. Put your energy where it counts.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) -- An offer is heading your way. Reconnect with people you enjoy collaborating with, and take advantage of an opportunity that can send you on a new adventure. Trust your instincts.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) -- Let your intuition lead the way. Take charge of any situation that can influence your personal or professional life. A partnership problem will push you to go it alone and do your own thing.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) -- Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. You know who you are and what you want. Focus on personal growth, selfimprovement and emotional well-being. Health and fitness are encouraged.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) -- The change you initiate will dictate what you can do down the road. You can build the foundation for future enterprise and a peaceful, stress-free lifestyle. Satisfy your curiosity.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) -- You’ll be drawn to people and situations that fuel your soul and encourage you to live life your way. Enhance a personal relationship with new plans that will bring you and the other party closer together.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) -- Don’t let uncertainty stand between you and what you want. Ask questions and proceed to work on achieving your personal goals. Moderation and simplicity are encouraged.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) -Stretch your imagination to come up with an idea that will bring you closer to the ones you love. Personal gain, romance and self-improvement are favored. Make your home into a welcoming space.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) -- Expect to face opposition when dealing with a friend or relative. You may have to be accommodating if you want approval. Take better care of your physical, emotional and financial well-being.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) -- Put your energy into something that matters to you. Fixing up your place and making financial or professional improvements will pay off. Ease stress and improve your lifestyle.

PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20) -- Use your energy wisely. Arguing will be a waste of time. Focus on improving your attitude, appearance and overall well-being. Look for ways to cut costs or subsidize your income. Be honest.