When to move in together
FRIDAY, JUNE 25, 2021
Dear Annie: The guy I’ve been seeing for five years has been seeing a married woman for 18 years. For context, we’re all seniors. He’s in his 80s; I’m in my 70s. The married woman is in her 60s.
The two of them have gone on road trips all over the country, visiting all 48 of the contiguous states in the country. Her husband has apparently been clueless this whole time, always thinking she’s traveling with some girlfriend.
My boyfriend says he loves me more than her and that it will never truly work with her since they can’t live together. But their relationship interferes with ours. She’s even come to his house when I’ve been there. (He wouldn’t let her in, and she slapped him across both cheeks.) What should I do? I don’t want to waste time on a loser. -- Impatiently Waiting
Dear Impatiently: There’s so much cheating going on here that it’s hard to keep track. The worst part is that you’re cheating yourself out of a caring relationship by sticking around for this two-timer. Break the chain of fools and free yourself up for better things, such as new hobbies, family, friends -and men without married girlfriends.
Dear Annie: Recently, I left my husband of 17 years. He always had a problem being happy with just one woman, and he cheated on me multiple times. Mostly, I was able to push past it. But a couple of months ago, I learned that he slept with my only full-blooded sister 10 years ago. That was the last straw. I filed for divorce.
Since then, I’ve started seeing a longtime close friend. He works a lot, so we haven’t been able to spend too much time together in person, but we talk on the phone every day, sometimes for four, five, even six hours. And when we are together, I feel wanted. I can see and feel the love in the way that he looks at me. We can sit around for hours, just cuddling and looking into each other’s eyes. I’ve seen things like this in the movies but never imagined I’d have it in my life! I’d always disregarded the idea of soul mates, but now I truly feel that I have found mine.
Although we’ve only been dating a couple of months, we’ve been friends for more than a decade. We watched each other’s kids grow up. We’ve been there for each other through relationship issues and divorces (his and now mine). My question to you: When would it be wise for us to move in with each other? Every time we are together, it’s getting so much harder for us to say goodbye. We live pretty far apart and both have busy work schedules, so we are always stretched for time. We have discussed the possibility of living together but agreed we do not want to ruin this amazing thing we have going by rushing. But how long do we have to wait? -- Head Over Heels
Dear Head Over Heels: While you’ve known each other as friends for quite some time, you’re still just barely acquainted as lovers, and that’s different. Give it another six months or so, until your divorce is finalized and those butterflies in your stomach have settled a bit. Take time to understand how the other person works. See what happens when an argument or conflict arises: How does he handle it? Are you able to talk through it calmly together? Knowing these things upfront -- ensuring a solid foundation -- will help you two build a strong relationship that stands the test of time.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book -- featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information.