Sherbrooke Record

I feel like a second choice

- Dear Annie Send your questions for Annie Lane to


Dear Readers: As I’m sure you all know, today is Thanksgivi­ng, a holiday dedicated to celebratin­g the things we’re grateful for. To get in the spirit, I’d love to hear what you are grateful for this year. Send your responses to dearannie@

Here’s a letter from a reader who got creative when it comes to holiday scheduling:

Dear Annie: I hated Thanksgivi­ng dinner on Thursday since I worked the day before and the day after. My husband suggested we could celebrate Thanksgivi­ng on Saturday instead. That was 45 years ago.

It’s worked beautifull­y, as my daughters have never had to choose where to spend Thanksgivi­ng Day. These days, Thanksgivi­ng Saturday is open to family and loved ones, and it’s a joyful celebratio­n. -- Thankful

Dear Thankful: Thanks for sharing this tip. I’m sure it will be helpful for other readers who have to work on or around Thanksgivi­ng Day. And for those who do get Thursday off, why not enjoy two celebratio­ns?

Dear Annie: My husband of 50 years had an affair with an old college lover for about a year. Both are in their late 70s. I found out two months ago, by accident, on his text messages and confronted him.

He denied it at first, but after I mentioned to him specifical­ly their intimate email exchanges, he admitted it. The thing that hurts me more is that he told her that he didn’t marry me for love but rather for making a family and that she is his soul mate. He said that she is the one he wants to be with but can’t because he doesn’t want to hurt others. We have two adult children.

After I confronted him, he insisted that he loves me and doesn’t want a divorce. He agreed to end the affair but hasn’t confirmed to me that he has. He behaves like nothing has happened, and I am kind of going along with that, but it really bothers me and I’ve been losing sleep over it.

On top of everything, he has not really apologized or owned up to his actions.

Of course, I am devastated and feel betrayed. I think about it all the time.

Should I tell him that I am not well with everything? I am the one who brings it up all the time. He hasn’t initiated any conversati­on about it or clarificat­ion. I don’t like nagging him all the time, but I can’t shake things up and move forward.

I don’t really want a divorce, nor do I want to be his second choice. Do I give him an ultimatum? How do I move forward? -- Hurt and Confused

Dear Hurt and Confused: What your husband did to you was heartless and cruel. I don’t blame you for losing sleep over it.

It is true that sometimes people say things they don’t mean. But his actions afterward are telling -- not explicitly ending the affair, not communicat­ing with you, and not going above and beyond to repair the damage he did to your relationsh­ip.

A couples counselor can help you two move past these communicat­ion roadblocks and determine whether this marriage is something you want to save. Start there.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book -- featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspu­ for more informatio­n.

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