Husband keeps convincing me of his lies
Dear Annie: I will have been married for 22 years this September, and we have been together for 26 years. But I recently discovered that for the past three years, my husband was talking to another woman in secret. I found evidence in texting voicemails and even a recording showing that they were at a casino once. I mean, if I would have taken all that to court, a judge would honestly tell me he’s cheating on you, but my husband convinced me otherwise. He swore up and down there was nothing between them; he swore up and down that nothing sexual happened between them, and he told me that at that time he was attracted to her for a while but nothing happened between them.
He’s a great guy because he always puts me and my kids first in life, but we also have a sex problem. He hasn’t slept with me for years. I mean, nothing. After all we went through, I heard two more voice messages, and there was a selfie picture of her on his phone, and of course he had an excuse for both.
In addition to those things, there were other signs that he was not acting like himself. So I put GPS in his car to track his car rides. One night he told me he was meeting with his friends, but the GPS showed that he went over to her house. Once again, he swears up and down that he did not see her. He met at her house with a male friend.
How am I supposed to believe that? He has been going there for at least 10 to 20 minutes every night, and this is after he promised me he would never go there or even down that street. It’s always lie after lie. I don’t trust him anymore.
He keeps telling me he loves me and I’m the only one for him and he can’t be without me. But when we are together, and he touches me, I can’t help but wonder if he has done the same thing with her.
The worst part of the problem is that I still love him. I can’t live without him. What do I do? -- Lost Girl
Dear Lost Girl: There is nothing lost about you; in fact, you just found yourself in a very hurtful relationship. What your husband is doing to you is not fair. He is being a coward by not fessing up to you that he is cheating. If you truly believe that -- and it sure sounds like it -- then I encourage both of you to seek marriage counseling immediately. If he refuses and does not want to, then you go for yourself.
Once trust is gone, it takes both partners coming clean with each other honestly and wanting to work on their relationship. Tracking his location is a form of not trusting him, but it sounds like you had good reasons.
Dear Annie: I am 28, a college graduate, and have been told by my family and friends that I am goodlooking. I am respectful of women I take out on dates; I pay for all the meals, am pleasant and interesting to talk to, and am neat and clean. I smell good, from cologne to fresh breath, and always dress neatly and fashionably. I am in finance and make six figures. However, rarely do I get a second date. I can’t understand why.
Do all women just want “bad boys”? I am successful professionally but am in a dead end romantically. I want to find someone to build a relationship with, eventually marry, and start a family, but I can’t do that if I can’t even get a second date. What’s wrong with me? -Looking for Love
Dear Looking: Loosen up! Stop focusing on doing all the “right” things and instead focus on having fun and living in the moment. Show girls your sense of humor; get in touch with your goofy side; plan creative dates.
You also sound overly concerned with how your dates view you, but what do you think of them? Make sure to evaluate the connection you have with these women and think about how you feel when you’re with them. Remember: you’re looking for your future partner, not a set of boxes to check.
Dear Annie: We’ve been married nine years and have a 3-year-old daughter. We share responsibilities in raising her. But I’m beginning to feel like I’m being used. I work nights and when I get home from work at 8 am, I’ll find a list on the kitchen table of chores my wife wants done. Aside from the fact I need to sleep, I take my daughter to preschool three days a week and pick her up three hours later.
I’m drifting away from my wife and she is increasingly angry at me. Please don’t suggest counseling. She’d never do it because she says the fault is all mine. -- Two Ships Passing in the Night
Dear Two Ships: Sit down as a couple, and lay out both your work schedules, household responsibilities and other obligations. It sounds like you two barely have time to see one another and probably don’t know what the other is up to when you’re not around. Come to an agreement that better balances the household chores while making sure your daughter’s child care is still well supported. If you can, work in some one-on-one quality time as a couple, too. It’s important to make time to reconnect with each other amidst the hubbub of daily life.